It's been a year!

That is right it has been an official year since i got my surgery. I look back now and say wow has it really been that long? I feel like I amstill trying to work it all out. Still trying to figure out my boundaries, foods I can and can't eat, figuring out how to get all my protein in, figuring out how to get my water in. But I guess I have gotten some things down since I was able to lose 70 pounds this year. Here are a few things I have learned
1. I could never have lost this amount of weight without the band
2. I can drink before a meal but not after or during
3. I need time for my food to settle before I can lay down
4. I can drive past a fast food place without stopping and survive
5. I don't need french fries at every meal
6. It still takes work to make the right decisions each and every day.
7. Listen to the sounds and clues your body gives you before you take the next bite
8. It is ok to leave some things on my plate
9. I still can't say no to cookies and just can't have them in the house
10. I am and always will be addicted to food.

That last one is hard for me, you think oh I got this thing now I just don't have to eat as much. But is so much more than that. I still think about food a lot, and could tell you everything in my cubbard without opening it. There are foods that if I eat one will lead me to eat 10 and I will eat every last one even if it makes me really sick and eventually throw up. I still salivate over commercials and sometimes buy food I know I can't eat but I want to try just to see. I can not be in the same room with a bag of cheetos. It just won't be pretty.

Over this past year, actually just these last few months I have come to feel ok with myself. I mean I will get my picture taken and not hide behind someone to cover me. I can walk in a room and not feel self consious. I feel like most days I look pretty good, rolls and all. Even though according to the BMI scale I am still overweight I think I look normal now.

Hoping to get some before and after pictures up here soon.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Need some variety

I have been following the World according to Egg face and she seems like she has it all figured out. Different ideas for food and all kinds of protein drinks. I sometimes feel like I am just eating lots of the same foods and then resorting back to my old habits when I get bored.
My normal day = protein coffee for breakfast
no snacks before lunch
salad with chicken for lunch or a frozen lite meal
protein bar as snack
dinner whatever I make- tonight was franks and beans (I know terrible but I didn't take the chicken out)
munching till I go to bed -tonight I had some left over birthday cake

SO.... I ordered a variety pack of the Tornio sugar free syrups in hopes of making some new shakes or coffees that i will enjoy and get back to basics. Tonight I literally ate 30 chips, now I know they were baked but still what a way to consume 300 calories in 10 minutes.
I have been trying not to buy things like that because I know I have no will power. But we had my 3 year olds birthday party this weekend and of course there are left overs.
Then this Friday my teenager is throwing a surprise party for her friend, which means once again junk food in the house.

I used a straw

I was dying of thirst and decided to buy a strawberry lemonade from Aunt Annies. Of course I didn't get a pretzel I knew that would be deadly. But I did use the straw. I have in the past and it really didn't make a difference, and they are so fun to drink out of.
Well I had a few sips, and then a few more and was feeling good. I was out in the car doing some christmas shopping and just enjoying a night out with no kids or husband holding me back drinking my lovely lemonade. When all of a sudden I got the feeling. I was like ooh I got to spit. I dug out some napkins out the glove box and just spit for a few minutes. I knew I couldn't get sick from it since I hadn't eaten anything in like two hours. Well I was mistaken. After a few red lights, I burped but it was so not a burp. I threw up all over myself in the car. I tried to catch most of it in a napkin but was unsuccessful. I spent the next few minutes trying to wipe it off my coat and luckily it was water repellent as I still had to go to AC Moore.
All through the store I was hoping I didn't miss a spot. I know gross but how often do I have the opportunity to shop without kids? Never.
What I learned is that straws are now off limits for me.

Make that 3!

I finished my last 5k of the year. I said I was going to do it and I did. I also improved my time from last week. I ran it in 43 minutes. Even though I was still the last runner to finish I don't care I did my best, beat my record and felt great. Also I think my butt is getting smaller due to the running.

I wouldn't mind doing a 5k every weekend if they didn't cost so dag on much!

Here is a pic of me before the race, and it was cold 32 degrees.

I'm the big one in the middle, my good friend from school who is an avid runner is on the left and my husband is on the right. He decided at the last minute to run it and completed it in 36 minutes. Mind you the man has not run or jogged in 4 years and still beats me. But he is sore and complaining about his knees all the time. Me on the other hand feels no pain .

I am one slow runner

So in January of this year I did my new years resolutions/goals. They were to lose 75 pounds and do 3 5k's. Well I obviously am not going to hit the 75 mark in the next month but I wanted to at least do the 5k part of it.
Two weeks ago I drove to a 5k by myself and was determined to finish. I looked around and saw a really old man, a lady pushing a stroller and like a 8 year old kid. I figured I could easily beat them. WRONG. I was the official last person to finish the race. I did it in 46 minutes which I was proud of. I thought if i finish in less than 50 minutes I will call it a victory. I felt pretty good. When I went over the finish line I cried. I just couldn't believe I did it. Now I won't talk about the way they were picking up the cones after I passed them since I was so slow. Or how some people finished the 5k turned around and did it again- still beating me.

Fast forward two weeks and my next 5k. I figured if I could cut my time down by a minute I would be happy. What I hadn't planned on is how frustrating it is when everyone even people doing the 5k walk pass you. I started off with a 77 year old man who I knew was going to walk. I foolishly thought if I can just keep up with this guy I'll be good. Well when they blew the whistle he was gone! I mean like gone! Bad strategy I thought let me find someone in a wheelchair or something.

I don't have the official results but I know I was last again in the runners, and probably only ahead of 1 or 2 of the 5k walkers. Just sad that my run/walk is slower than most peoples regular walk.

I am supposed to do another 5k next weekend. Right now I am really not feeling it. I mean being last 3 times in a row really is sort of defeating.

In other news I got a fill on Wednesday right before Thanksgiving. I had to, otherwise I would have to wait another month when I had off. And I was eating like crazy, I ate a muffin, and 1/2 cheesteak with a roll with no problem. I gained some weight back and I refused to gain anymore especially over the upcoming holidays.

This fill seems to be doing the trick at least for now. Lots of gurgling so I know to stop before I eat too much. It has stopped me in my tracks from going to eat another bite or grabbing a cookie on the way out the door.

Hoping this sensation lasts for a long time and I can lose more than I have in the last few months which is like only 3 pounds.

guess I have rambled a bit too much.

halloween is not a good holiday

I used to love Halloween. I would buy all my candy a few weeks before the Halloween only to eat them all before the 31st and then having to go back out and buy more for the actual trick or treaters. Then of course all of the wonderful leftovers to sanck on throughout the day and night. Some years I would just buy tootsie rolls thinking that would be a healthier candy but eating them by the handful probably not.

This year I didn't buy the candy till the day of to avoid snacking and I bought a candy I don't love. The kids however got tons of candy and they are in my thoughts all the time. I haven't gone crazy just a few at lunch and one when i came home. How I was able to lose 2 pounds I don't know. Maybe it is becuase I am not eating that much otherwise. I took 3 bites of a chickensalad wrap from Chickfilla and rushed to the toilet to throw up. But man was it good before it came back up.

I am just so excited to step on the scale and see 189. I mean call up Cyndi Lauper I am in the 80's!!!! I don't think I have seen the 80's since the early 90's. I just am thrilled.

I was Thanksgiving around the corner and how different it will be this year. I normally live for thanksgiving but this year half the stuff I normally eat, i won't be able to get it down.

Forgive me for I have sinned.

I had a bad two days. It started out with me buying some snacks and soda for a few friends that were coming over. I mean you can't expect them to drink boring water just because of you.
I made some pumpkin cookies and those pillsbury ghost cookies,as well as a few dips and a veggie tray.
All was going well until the guests left and then I just went crazy. I had 2 cookies and a diet cherry coke. Oh my lord was it good.
For breakfast all of the cookies were not gone so I finished them up and yes it was about 8 that I ate to clean the plate. A little later I had a few pumpkin cookies and some more soda. For lunch I ate some tortilla chips and dip, now the chips were baked although i think the more you eat of them the less effective they are at being low fat.
Well today I threw away the rest of the pumpkin cookies and the dip for the chips.
I still have some diet cherry coke left and chances are I'll drink it tonight.
I could blame this on having my Aunt Flow for a visit, or having good food in the house for the first time since the surgery but I think it just boils down to keeping my mouth closed.
As I said before I know I am a food addict and it got me to thinking about drug addicts. Do drug addicts have a higher success of quitting then overweight people have of keeping weight off?
I am not saying that it would be easier to stop doing drugs, but I think that at least with drugs once you keep them out of your house you never have to see them again. With food no matter what you do it will always be there. Driving down the street, vending machines, friends, co-workers, birthday cakes, the temptation is always there.
Just wondering if anyone else ever thought about it.

a few things I've noticed

I can't eat what I normally would like to, I can't order what I want when I pull through the local fast food restaurants, I don't enjoy food as much as I did which at some times I sort of miss since so much of my life revolved around food before the band.

However I was thinking of how things have changed for the better.
For the first time in probably 10 years my husband can put his arms all the way around me.
For the first time in probably 15 years he just out of the blue gives me a compliment.
I can tie my shoes without having to open my legs to give room for my stomach.
I can jog up the stairs and not be out of breath.
I can fit in a car and not have to move the seat down to fit my legs under the steering wheel.
I can shop on the regular side of Cato.
I get compliments from my co-workers for the first time ever.
Men hold doors open for me when I go into a store. No lie they would just walk in front of me and close them before.

Now with all that being said I still am a big girl. I am still just a few pounds away from 200 and in the obese catagory. I still have what seems like a lot of weight to lose since it is coming off so slowly now. But I think of how far I have come and how much I appreciate the changes in my life and sometimes it makes the longing for bellying up to a buffet just a little bit easier to take.

Donuts really don't do anything for me

As my name is Donut Diva you can tell I have a love affair with them. I used to buy a dozen glazed donuts from Walmart eat a few for breakfast then come home and heat them up for a few seconds in the microwave for an afternoon snack. Man was that good. Then of course I can't tell you how many times a week I would go to Dunkin Donuts and get a #1. One glazed, one chocolate frosted, an xl coffee with extra cream and extra sugar.
Well I haven't done that in close to a year. But today I didn't have my protein coffee and we were going to a pumpkin patch. So I decided why not get one glazed donut just for old times sake.
I got a nice cup of decaf with splenda and when I was finished got right into the tasty gooey morsel I was going to call breakfast. Well three bites in and I was done. I mean call the paramedics I am having chest pain. I told my husband get a bag ready because I might need to spit. No spitting but at least 10 minutes of chest pain.
So my breakfast was coffee and 3 bites of donut. Now a few hours later and I am feeling hungry. Nothing at the pumpkin patch I could eat. First time I went without buying funnel cake or fries, and on the way home the only thing I saw was a sub shop. I refuse to have any more tuna or salads this week. But what did I find in the carseat next to me? Well the rest of my donut just laying there so inviting. And so the saga continues. I ate three more bites and back again to the chest pain. I'll admit it, I have no will power. If there is something in the house that I like I feel the need to revisit it all night until I have had several bites or servings. Having a donut even when it causes me pain in my presence just is too much for me. Thank God for the band, without it I would never be able to turn down donuts or any other type of food.
What did I learn? As much as I love them, it really isn't worth the pain. Hopfully the scale won't move in the wrong direction because of my bad judgements this week.
I also had a bag of m&m's on Tuesday. I used to have one a day at my break. I passed on the cake that was sitting in the teacher's lounge, and the box of munchkins there on Wednesday.

hard to get the water down

I know I need to up my water intake. I have tried like 17 different cups, mugs and huge kegs to keep it in. The best one that keeps it cold all day is the bubba keg, but it doesn't fit in the car cup holders. Try driving with that big thing in between your legs. Ok don't try it I'll give you a glimpse into what you will experience- cold thighs, difficulty turning the steering wheel, and an uncomfortable ride. Then you decide you should put it on the seat next to you, but as soon as you put on the brakes or make a turn it falls off the seat and spills everywhere.

Then I got various plastic kinds but they sweat so much it gets everything around them wet. So then I just brought bottles of water but I end up only drinking one since i never get to the refrigerator to get the second one I brought. Oh the drama of getting all your water in. It was so much easier when I just went to the soda machine and bought a cold diet coke. Just the thought of a diet coke makes me sigh. I miss them so much. It has been one whole year since I had one, if you don't count the one I bought about a month ago at Sonic. But that was a fluke I just had to have one and I was there, and it was half price, and I swear the man at the drive thru knew how much I wanted one and suggestively sold it to me. But it was good. And I still miss them.

Speaking of refrigerators, I remembered that I left my half of a Subway salad at school over the long weekend. That just sucks. I mean I would have had it for dinner last night or lunch today if I would have brought it home. I hate when I do that.

What do you use to drink your 8 glasses a day?

A few things not to do when you have restriction

Thought I should review a few things you shouldn't do when you have restriction
1. eat a lukewarm or cold mozzarella stick
2. drink a swig of milk to wash down a cookie
3. have a normal size piece of cake even if it is your birthday
4. have macaroni and cheese
5. try and eat a toasted sub from subway
6. eat any kind of bread
7. have a donut hole
8. eat a piece of your kids pancake
9. eat fast or at your regular speed before the band
10. go back for seconds

All of the above are things that I have done within the last month and have all caused me to throw up or spit like a camel. I even threw up in the car. Word from the wise : the Subway bag that the cookies come in does not hold throw up quite well.

Fill her up!

I got a .20 cc fill today. I am on liquids for 2 days then soft foods for one. Fills if you haven't had one really don't hurt except a pinch and a sting when they put the numbing needle in. Today I think she had a harder time finding the port, since she was pushing a lot. I would have thought that it would be easier since I am thinner now and less flab to go through.
I told her just top me off, I have some restriction sometimes and other times like none. I mentioned I threw up a few times and so instead of .25 she was going to give me she bumped it down to .20. We'll see how it goes. She said "see you back in three months?" Hopefully this will keep me filled longer than that.

I lost 9 pounds since my last visit with them in July. She said that was great, where as I thought it was too little.

Hair loss was something else I mentioned to her. She suggested adding Zinc to my list of vitamins. In addition to my normal vitamin, and Biotin, I will be popping a Zinc. She said I can go to 90 grams of protein a day as long as I didn't have kidney problems. I think I am going to stay at 80 for a while since I just really uppped it last week.

The good thing about a fill is I know the scale will go down after 2 days from just doing liquids.

I also went to zumba last night for the first time. Let's just say if the judges from Dancing with the Stars were there I would have gotten 0's and been voted off. I realized I have absolutely no rhythm and hope no one was secretly taping it to bribe me on youtube at a later date. I did sweat so that was a plus. Tonight I am going to another Zumba class with another instructor so I can compare and contrast the two. Me trying to work out at home on my own, after a full day of work is just not happening. Getting out of the house is probably what I need to do, in order to get a work out in.

peppers were tasty

Last night I made stuffed peppers that were full of protein. I put onions, peppers and chopped up some turkey sausage. Fried them all up in a pan, added some fat free ricotta cheese and some spaghetti sauce. I also threw in some chopped up turkey peperoni. Baked those suckers for like 20 minutes with some more sauce on top. Lovely people, just lovely. My hubby even ate them.
But in other news I am eating hand over fist. I need to get a fill bad to slap some sense back into me. I get so busy at work I totally forget to call and then when school is out they are closed. I gotta put a reminder in my calendar at lunch so I don't forget tomorrow. The only day you can schedule an appointment is on Thursdays otherwise I have to drive an hour to get to the office that is open every day of the week. And that is just entirely too long of a drive.

How is it possible?

I think I need a fill. Yesterday I ate an entire salad from Subway along with 1/2 an eggroll and 2 crab rangoons. Yes, it is still much better than my old trip to chinese where I would have had a pint of wonton soup, 5 crab rangoons, an egg roll, and an order of sweet and sour chicken and probably half of my daughters french fries. Becuase you know they have the best fries in the world.
But my point is how can I eat all that, when other times I eat two bites of something and end up with sharp pain from restriction.
I had some ice cream the other day from McDonalds. I read on someones blog that the cone is only 150 calories so I get 1 a week now. But anyway I was eating it and half way through I had to stop, get some napkins and proceed to spit for like 5 minutes. I was in so much pain and so uncomfortable and the spitting is never fun. But as soon as I burped what did I do? Finished my ice cream of course.

So in conclusion i think I need a fill. Although the scale has moved it really isn't moving fast maybe a pound a week the last two weeks. I think I'll call this week and see if they can fit me in, the problem is though I have to leave work early to make the appointment and I hate asking for time off. I just hate it. But I hate being stuck at this weight and size even more.

totally off subject

I know this is off subject but I am desperate for help. I teach 2nd grade and am in desperate need of a listening center for the kids to use daily.
There is a program from sonic which if you get enough votes for your project they will pay for. Right now I have 49 people who voted for me, I need like at least 300. The good news is you can vote everyday. The bad news is most people forget.
so can if at all possible help a fellow bandster, and a hard working teacher get this for the kids.
I would so appreciate it. Tell your friends, enemies and anyone that has an email address.

Just click on the cute little button, and I think it will take you right to my spot. If not select location, click on Delaware and click on Mrs. P listening center.

Calgon take me away

April 4 months out Today 9 months out

not the best picture in the world but it's me. Now keep in mind this is after going to school 2 hours early to get caught up on things and wrangling 24 second graders for 8 hours after that. Thought i should explain why my hair is a little disheveled.

BOOBS anyone?

I have some size 22 things I was hoping to give to someone in need, and I really need some size 16's. Anyone out there have something to share? I found this on the BOOBs blog and decided to try. I am so upset I am not going to the convention next weekend, but the plane tickets were so much from Philly too much for just a weekend. Anyone going?

I'm coming out

December 2009

April 2010

Well I was looking at other band sites and saw how pictures really told a story of the journey so I figured maybe it is time for me to come out of hiding. I saw one bandsters picture and I can't believe how skinny she is. She is around 140 now and looks like 100, I guess she is tall. just amazing.

So here are my pics of me before the surgery, and in April. I'll post a current one this week once I shower and put on something nice. Today I am sitting around in my pajamas doing the taxes which are long overdue.

Hopefully none of my coworkers will ever come across my site and divulge my secret.

It's been a month

I have been avoiding my blog out of frustration. My scale has been stuck for a month. It is just so upsetting. I have restriction, I have had pain when over eating which forced me to cut back. At least 4 times a week I have had spitting episodes. Today I did a productive burp as it is so nicely known in the lap band circle. Honestly that is a nice way of saying a handful of throwup.
I threw up only after 2 bites of a salad. Yesterday I threw up after two bites of a Mcdonalds kids hamburger. just the meat, no bun. I wouldn't mind the throwing up and the spitting if the scale was moving but it really isn't.

I went to my support group meeting and was told that we are only supposed to have 8 grams of carbs at each meal. Do you know how little that is? I was having a banana a few times a week. She said that a banana has 45 carbs. So that is out. My rice krispy treat I normally have after lunch has about 20, the 100 calorie pack has about the same. What this means to me is I need to really stop with all the little snacks I have after a meal, and see if that will change the scale.

I had my bloodwork done and am good on everything. My proteins, cholesterol, vitamin d, b12 all are within range now. So why is my hair still falling out? I asked the nurse she said to start taking Biotin. (I started a month ago and have seen no change) She also said I should bump up my protein from 60 grams to 80 grams. I have no idea how I could eat that much. What I decided to do is to have a shake or protein coffee at night.
My normal menu:
breakfast - protein coffee
lunch- salad with turkey, beans, cheese, green pepper, and cucumber
snack - protein bar
dinner - whatever I make
snack- shake or protein coffee

What are you all doing to get the protein in without splurging on calories and carbs? I hate fish so I am limited to turkey and chicken.

on the banded front

So I am in what you would call a plateau. Yes, I have been gaining and losing the same pound for the past 4 weeks. I go up to 198, then back to 197, and over and over again.
I stopped weighing myself a million times a day and only do it once in the morning.

This is the time if I was doing weight watchers I would just say forget it and go back to eating whatever I wanted because "no matter what I eat the scale doesn't move" Right, I mean how many times have we all said that.
Well this time I can't because I still have lots of restriction. And this really is my first plateau so I should be happy. I also keep hearing about people who have hit their 90 or 100 pounds right at about a year. I wanted to hit 75 this year and I think that is possible if I just keep doing what I am doing.

This past week my daughter had a birthday and you know you have to have cake. I had a few bites and man it was like someone pounded me in the chest. I mean it hurt. I waited a while then took another bite. I was determined to eat this cake. After 30 minutes I think i had eaten 5 bites and then threw the rest in the trash. I should have been elated that I threw cake in the trash, but instead I was heartbroken. Why because I couldn't finish the cake.

Since I am the one that normally eats all the sweets, the cake stayed in the house for almost a week. Over the course of the week I ate 4 slices. I don't think that is that bad. I mean yes I ate 4 slices over the course of the week, but compared to what I would normally eat 4 is like nothing. I guess cake is sort of like bread in how it is so painful to eat, which is a good thing.

I had some egg noodles with soy meatballs and let me tell you I really didn't love them. I know they are a lot better for you but not so good in the tast factor. Well after about 10 minutes of eating I could tell I ate too much. I had 4 meatballs and about 1/2 cup of noodles, and I was done. I ran in the bathroom and it wasn''t even like spit this time. It was just water. I mean not to be graphic, but i opened my mouth and water, not slime or spit, just came out. This continued for about 5 minutes and then I burped. And off I went to get my toes done.

It still is amazing that with all this restriction I am still stalling on the weight front. I know I need to exercise but man is it hot here! School starts back up in two weeks, I am going to need to carve out a time to exercise or else it will never get done.

I bought a pair of white pants from Kmart the other day. Size 18's becuase the thighs looked so small on the 16's. They need to get hemmed but I like them. I haven't worn white pants in I can't tell you how long. Now I just need some cute shoes.

I tried to find the clothing swap on Lap Band Talk and had no luck. If someone has the link can you link it?

I have size 22's, and I am looking for size 16's.

success and failure

My success is that I can fit a size 16. I went to Dress Barn today to see if I can buy some clothes for work. I got into them but boy did they look not so pretty. I mean call the Pillsbury Doughboy I found his rolls. My stomach just pops out!
After trying on a pair of pants 3 shirts and a skirt I put most back but the shirt. All I really need is a few more pounds and I am sure 16's will fit better but for now why even bother buying something I wouldn't wear.
The failure besides the fact I can't really wear them comfortably is that my closet has like nothing that fits. My husband teases me and says well now you can just say Ennie Meenie because you only have 2 choices to wear.
My hopes were that I would be able to buy a whole new wardrobe by the time school starts which is now only 3 weeks away. I don't know what I am going to do, because I refuse to wear the size 22 's I wore all last year with safety pins and big belts. And the 2 18's I have are too big that I can take them off without unbuttoning them.
Oh the drama of losing weight.

Can we talk?

Remember when Joan Rivers used to say that all the time?

It seems like forever since I have posted so I'll fill you in on what has been going on. First the scale, it had creeped up to 198 and then 199 then back to 198 and now it is finally down again to 197 which is where I was two weeks ago but it somehow only stayed there for like a quick minute before it moved up. Hopefully tomorrow it will be at 197 or 196. My goal of losing 13 pounds this summer seems like is a pipe dream now since I have only lost 4 and I have 4 weeks left. I have revised my goal to 7 pounds. That I guess is more attainable.

Yesterday I got my but back on the bike and biked and biked and biked. At one point during my ride I was tempted to take my knees off and put them on the side of the road they hurt so much. I biked for 56 minutes which is like forever in exercise time from a couch potato. Later in the day I clocked my ride in my car and guess what it was 7 miles! Yea I said 7 miles! Crazy.

In the food world I decided I would try a few new things like fish. I have never been a fish eater. I have always said I don't eat anything that swims but I figure I need to try. So I went out got some frozen tiliapia and salmon. I marinated the hell out of them. Then I even lit up the grill, charing my arm hair, and grilled them. I was excited but also a little nervous. I took a little bite and guess what it tasted like fish! So that was nasty just like I remembered from my childhood. Next I tried the tilapia and guess what I hated that too!

No worries I said I had a baked sweet potato in the oven that was also healthy. I took one bite and it was like orange mush. Yet another food disappointment. Last but not least I was told about these chicken and beef jerky things. They have 50 calories and 12 grams of protein. I was like hey for 12 grams of protein I am game. I took one bite of that mess and felt like I needed to be in the woods up in a tree waiting for a deer for me to shoot. Maybe if you like beef jerky or slim jims you would like it but the texture was really weird. Now they were like chicken and black bean salsa. And then there was one that was beef and mango. I will post a picture tomorrow so you can see. Maybe if I try them again later I will like them but I wasn't too thrilled. I bet if I shipped them to Survivor island they would eat them up, but when you have a rice krispie bar in your pantry it is sort of a no brainer which one is going to win the taste test.

So my attempts for trying new food didn't really work so well. But I did have a fantastic stuffed pepper. It was stuffed with ricotta cheese and vegetables. To die for. I have to find the recipe it really was delicious.

Yes I am still having restriction, I have been over my toilet spitting a few times when I took one too many bites. And in an embarrasing story I took my 3 year old for ice cream cones from Mcdonalds. I had to pull over and spit so much after only eating like half. Finally I burped and I could continue so I did finish it. I mean who is going to not eat an ice cream cone at only 150 calories. But it was pretty bad. Iracked my brain on what could have caused me to be so full I had had a fat free hotdog at 4 and this was at 7. Then I remember I had one mini muffin before I got in the car. Stupid muffins they do me in all the time!

Hope to get my butt on my bike again tonight although I don't think I will be taking quite so long of a ride. Happy monday everyone!

new day

thanks for all the motivation, sometimes you need that.
I made better choices the last few days and it helped that there were no muffins in the house.
Today I had 1/2 a salad from salad works for lunch and the other half for dinner. I had my normal protein coffee for breakfast and some animal crackers to chew on something. I had a handful of peanuts also. It took everything in my being not to stop on the way home to buy a Skor bar from the store. I was haviing a chocolate fix bad.

Hopefully the scale will move soon in the right direction.

This morning I took my vitamins, and 2 tylenol which I broke in half. I did it very slow, and wouldn't you know I burped it back up. Yuck you know what a half dissolved pill tastes like? Not good I tell you. Not good.
I have this cold, yes I have a cold in the summer, and my nose is dripping like a faucet that needs fixing. So last night I took some of the tylenol with codine I had left from my surgery in December. It felt good to sleep.

Did I post that I went to the OB last week and told her I had a band. She said the lady she just saw before me had one too and lost 105 pounds in a year. Once again I am jealous, but what I didnt' know is what she weighed when she started and what she weighs now. But wow 105 pounds in a year that is fantastic. My goal that I wrote down on my forms at the surgeon before I got it was 75 pounds in a year, which he said at the time is a great goal. That means I need to lose 25 more before December. If I lose 5 a month it is possible but you know it means I need to work out much more consistantly.

What are your goals for the first year and what have you achieved so far?

bad choices

So I think i had my worst food day in a long time. I made some blueberry muffins the other day and no one has been eating them so they have just been sitting in the refrigerator. Every time I open the door they have been staring me right in the face.
The day started off nicely, had my protein coffee. We were at the hospital for my daughter and while she was getting her tonsils out we went to the cafeteria. I had 1 egg with cheese.
Got home around 1:00 and I had a lean pocket and a blueberry muffin.
Still not so bad. Well that one muffin just got me hooked. so like an hour later I decided on another.
Dinner I had turkey meatloaf and wouldn't you know another blueberry muffin. Then i had some fat free ice cream with my daughter since no one should eat ice cream alone.
Around 7 I said well I feel a little hungry how about another muffin.
Then since I was up late at 10 I said might as well make it a terrible day and have just one more muffin.

I ate them all slowly as to not get stuck,taking lots of time in between bites. I enjoyed each one as much as the first. It made me realize once again I can't have carbs in the house. When will I ever have control over foods? I just don't get it. Why couldn't I have just tossed them since no one was eating them? It like pains me to toss food that is good.

Hopefully this will be the last time I lose it. I guess I was partly stressed from the whole thing with my daughter, and frustrated with the dag on scale not moving so I figured who cares. Which is normally the attitude I have right before I gain back all the weight I have lost on a diet. I don't want to start this cycle again.

i'm all about free

I love free as much as the next person. So when I got the free coupon from Mcdonalds for their new smoothie I got a little excited. But then I thought I should probably check out the calories before I get hooked on a new food that is bad for me. Just like those dag on funnel cake sticks from Burger King. Why did they have to invent them I ask?

Looks like the smoothie isn't that bad. 210 calories, 5 grams of fat, and 2 grams of protein.
However if you use your coupon for something else there like say the Mocha Frappe you will be in deep doo-doo. That lovely treat has 540 calories and 24 grams of fat. No wonder it tastes so dag on good.

Just thought I would share.

Chinese anyone?

Missing your chinese?

Well these might do the trick. Now I normally don't get pork,I ususally don't eat swine but this and shrimp was all they had today. I love the chicken ones and they have vegetable ones too. There are 120 calories and 11 or 12 grams of protein. That is right 12 grams of protein! I have heated them up in the microwave and they are good that way but soft. If you have a few minutes put it in the oven for them to be crunchy like you get them from your local Chinese spot. Fantastic!

Now you might be thinking ok tell me where to get them. I found them in Walmart by the deli. You know the case they have with the heat at home pizzas and ready made sandwiches? They are over there. I put them in the freezer when I get home so they last longer otherwise you have to eat them in like a week or something.

Enjoy!

It's been a while

Looks like I took the week off from blogging, guess there hasn't been much going on. Well I take that back. I hit 197 a few days after my last fill. I didn't get too excited because the very next day my Aunt Flow came to visit and it was right back to 200. Then I think well as soon as it goes away I'll be right back down to 197, guess I thought wrong. Got on the scale today 200. AAAHH. That is why you can't get too happy at 199 or 197 becuase 200 is just a cracker or two away.
In other news I went to see my parents today and met them at a park. My dad actually said he didn't recognize me. He said I look like a different person. So that made me feel good. And my husband told me my face looks so much thinner. But what I am concerned about is two things. 1. getting the scale in the low 190's
2. finding a dress to wear the first day back to school which looks good on me. (It will be my first dress I have worn in 9 years)

Still feeling a lot of restriction. I just drink my protein coffee for breakfast. Then a small lunch today I had tuna. Dinner I have whatever I make for the family. I have to eat much slower since I feel everything going down. And then I have been having another protein coffee at night just to make sure I am getting enough protein in. You would think the weight would just be falling off. I do find it much harder to get my liquids in since i have to drink so much slower also. Yesterday I got 32 ounces in, which is almost half of what I was getting in before the fill.

yet another protein rich snack

You know I love to snack. I mean forget meals just let me graze throughout the day. I used to open the pantry and just stand and look for something to munch on. The vending machine at school had my favorites Cheetos, and Chili Cheese Fritos. Oh don't get me started. Which is probably one of the many reasons which got me so fat. I wonder how people would describe me. Was it "you know her, the fat lady, the heavy set woman, the woman with three chins?" I mean I would describe people as heavy set and I was probably 50 pounds bigger than them. Hopefully people will find another adjective to describe me in the future. Skinny would be nice, although I am far from that now.

Ok so back to the snack. I bought these from Bariatric Choice and they are a little pricey. About 1.50 a bag. But the bag is full, it's not like a bag of chips when you open and there is like 8 in there. This bag is filled with these little puffs similar to the puff cheetos from Herrs, not the Chester Cheetah kinds. They are 1/4 of the size of a cheese puff though, so much smaller which is probably why there are so many in the bag. It will make your fingers quite dirty so have a napkin or be prepared to lick them clean. The bag is 140 calories and 14 grams of protein. This is a snack that you can actually eat and not feel like ok, now what can I have. I bought like 15 bags and have maybe one a week.

In other news, I am really trying to get organized this summer. Today I tackled the garage. I was sweating like I was in a marathon or something. I came in the house and drank my wonderfully cool crystal light. Well I guess I did it too fast. Within seconds I was in the bathroom spitting like a camel. Note to self when in a public place to avoid extreme embarrassment drink slowly.

Happy Monday!

found two news ways to get protein

I was at Target today and saw this cereal which I saw advertised on tv a few times and thought i would give it a try. Ladies it is delish! It is very similar to granola. Of course I didn't put any milk in it, I haven't had cereal with milk since I have been banded. But this is really good. For 3/4 of a cup you get 9 grams of protein and 180 calories. I think this might be my new mid morning snack. I ate it in the car this morning, since I didn't have breakfast and it was 10:30 I new I needed something before going to church. It was really good.

The next wonderful find is something I came across on someones blog. It was an older blog one that hadn't been updated in like 9 months or something but she suggested taking some of the protein powder for shakes and mix it with a little bit of milk and then put it in your coffee. Now I bought some chocolate powder a long time ago I didn't really care for and I used that. I poured it into the coffee and it is soo good. It just gave it a little taste of chocolate not too much, but what I am more excited about is there is 20 grams of protein right there with my morning cup of java. I tell you the things that make me happy. Before my joy came from finding a 6th nugget from Wendys when I only ordered 5, but now it is all about getting my protein in.

life with restriction

So I figured it was fitting to show peanut butter as I have gotten stuck a few times today. But really the peanut

butter I found in Walmart and has 10 grams of protein for 2 tablespoons and 169 calories. It also has 4 grams of fiber. Much healthier than the regular jiffy I have been buying. Now there are flaxseeds in it but when you mix it up you don't really mind them. I had a couple of spoon fulls of this today to try and get some protein in.

I started off today with a cup of decaf and then at 9:30 I thought I would be ready for eggs. I made some scrambled eggs with cream cheese to make them creamy and reheated some mashed potatoes from yesterday. Let me tell you I had three bites and was done for another hour. I mean it just sat there for a while. By 11:45 I had finished my egg and given up on the mashed potatoes.

At 4:30 I figured I should eat again, wasn't hungry but knew I needed something. I took 2 bites of a tuna sub no bread of course. So it was really just tuna and cheese. Boy did that hurt. I spent 5 minutes over the toilet spitting, you know just tons of spit. Luckily no throw up I think leaning over helped to move it.

By 6:00 I managed to eat the tuna from half of the sub, and the cheese off of one slice of pizza. I couldn't resist. I also had 1/2 cup of sugar free pudding mixed with cool whip. I needed something sweet. That is all I have had all day. Even drinking is different, I can't drink too fast or too much because even that causes me to feel uncomfortable.

I am so glad for the restriction, but more than that I am happy I have no desire to eat. I mean when am I not hungry. I remember going out with my husband am him saying are you hungry and me saying when have I not been hungry. Well now I can say no. It is a wonderful feeling to have the thought of food out of my head.

My only worry is how am I going to get 60 grams of protein in? I really hate yogurt so please don't suggest that. Any other suggestions?

Listen to what my doctor said!

I had a fill yesterday and I figured I should ask her some questions I had. But before that let me tell you about my experience. The scale showed I only lost 4 pounds in the past month so I was pretty bummed about that. But I also did not exercise at all last month and made some bad food choices which probably explains that.

I told her I had some restriction but not enough to keep me eating more than I should be. She asked me the standard two questions "Can you eat bread?" and "Can you eat chicken" I told her yes to chicken and sometimes with bread. She gave me another cc. I drank the little cup of water after and told her I burped and asked if that was a problem she said as long as it went down you are ok. Nothing new with the fill, it did hurt a tad more than normal but not huge.

Ok so now to what she told me. I told her the tylenol is not working for me, it does nothing when I have a headache. I asked her if I could take motrin since so many of you said your doctors said it wasn't a problem. Get this, she says "Motrin erodes the band!" So to all of you out there taking it be warned. She gave me a prescription of another tylenol based medicine for my migraines with is stronger hopefully that works. She tried to pass off tylenol with codine but I told her my students probably would prefer a teacher who is awake.

Now for the second thing I found out. As I am going to check out I said, I don't want to make a new appt I think this is the fill I am going to be good at. I mean I am at 9 already. She says actually at 10. OMG, when did this happen how can I be at 10! My band only holds 11 right?

She says well the manufacturer says 11 but we can get up to 23 cc's in your band! 23 cc's that is like crazy you wouldn't be able to swallow a thing with that much in your band. And wouldn't you be scared it would pop like if you put your seat belt on too tight? Can't believe it.

So there is good news and bad new with this fill.
The bad news I think I am going to need to get an unfill if things don't get better. I am on liquids for 2 days and yesterday I took a large sip of a shake and threw it up. Maybe if I drank it slower i would have gone down but that is not good. For the rest of the day I just had crystal light and decaf coffee. We will see today if liquids mainly shakes go down better.

The good news is I am not hungry at all! I mean like nothing. For someone who had maybe 200 calories total yesterday I should be starving but I feel like Calista Flockhart, not a care in the world about eating. So nice for a change.

Will keep you posted ladies, I should be in the 1o0's by tomorrow with two days of liquids easy.

just another day trying to figure things out

So if you recall from yesterday i realized I could never eat bread again and I think I came to terms with that. Today we went to the mall and I had a fantastic salad from Saladworks which is not what I normally get when I go there. Normally I would have gotten the chicken terrayki with extra sauce. But you know rice is out, and obviously if I can't eat bread Subway won't work either.
Feeling pretty good about that kept walking in the mall and had a coupon for a free pretzel from Aunt Annies which of course I had to redeem. I gave most of it to my kids but on the way to the car I was like "It's not really bread I can have a little piece" And I proceeded to eat a bite. and I chewed, and chewed, and was worried, and chewed till it was almost a paste in my mouth and I thought to myself. Is it really worth it? Am I really enjoying this pretzel with the fear and the work I have to go through. You can't even taste it after chewing it a million times, so why even bother having it at all. I just don't think it is worth it.

But in other news I come home and there are left over cookies I made and I have been eating them so much the past few days. Every single time I walk by them I pick one up and eat it. And every time I eat one, I want another and another. Yesterday I had 6. That is right I had 6 cookies. Which is why I haven't had cookies in my house since I got banded in December. If I have cookies I eat them and I just can't stop, it is just sad. But the thought of throwing them away is painful to me. So they sit on the counter calling out my name. Today I had 4, down from 6 as long as I don't grab another on my way to bed. What I have learned is some foods like cookies I still feel like I have no control over. And this is why I know I needed the band. I need something to tell me when I am done. I have never been able to stop eating. Even as a toddler I remember my mom telling me that a babysitter once called her and asked "Do I stop feeding her when I think she is full or when she thinks she is full?" Maybe it is something you are born with? Or born without? I don't know but I just have never felt like I had control over food or had a full feeling until I got the band. That is why it is life changing for me. To feel full and leave a plate that still has bites left on it is something I am not used to. And it still is hard. I feel like I should be shipping my plate to a starving child somewhere after all the times my mom said I had to finish because there were starving people that would love to have what I am wasting.

Oh well, have a great holiday weekend everyone. Stay away from the potato salad- I got way stuck on that a few months ago.

oops I did it again

Yes I had a little throw up incident today but before I tell you how that came to be lets just rewind the what was my life like a year ago first.

Last summer and the summer before about three times a week I would go to the library with my kids then go directly to the bakery. I would order a turkey and cheese sandwich on fresh rye bread get two cookies for the kids and then proceed to pick up a few baked goods for myself. My normal order was an almond croissant, a cream cheese turnover, and maybe an elephant ear for good luck. And yes I would eat it all. Not at one time, but most surely before my husband came home to not leave any evidence. But it was only a few times a week, and I couldn't do it during the school year since they close at 3. So it was like not a big thing right? Looking back it does seem a little excessive. Ok maybe a lot excessive. But I think what happens when you constantly eat more than the norm, your norm becomes normal. Right?

Anywhoo, so flash forward back to the present. We went to the library and for the first time this summer went to the bakery. I got a cookie for each kid, ordered my turkey and cheese sandwich on rye and decided to get just one cookie for myself. No croissant, no eclair, no cream cheese turnover, and no elephant ear. I was patting myself on the back all the way to the car. Boy look how far I came, I said to myself. You should be proud of yourself I say. This is what a normal person would eat I say.

So I am in the car the kids are eating their cookies and I bust open the sandwich. I take three bites and ooh can I feel it. It is right there, tight, just pain. I put the sandwich down and knew I was done. Oh but the pain.

A couple minutes pass and then the spit in my mouth starts. I was like oh boy we might have a problem here. Do I pull over, will it pass? I decide to get a bag ready just in case. And then before I could pull over, I was at a light though, I threw up in the bag. It was more like a productive burp I guess. Just a little teaspoon or so of throw up, mostly spit.

So there you have it, I know what this means. I must now get rid of eating bread. This is difficult for me since my life sort of consisted mostly of bread, bread products, and their close relatives. I would have called myself a carbeterian. Cause I mostly ate just carbs. But now the time has come to leave the loaf on the shelf. Push the bread basket back, and leave it to those that are not banded. I am done with it, because I think throwing up in front of my friends might not be a good thing.

things my doctor told me

It seems like each gastric surgeon tells their patients something different and I thought maybe we should compare. Below are things my doctor told me to do or not to do after the band.
1. Wait for 30 minutes to drink before or after a meal.(I just wait 30 minutes after a meal)
2. Don't take any pain reliever other than tylenol for the rest of your life.
3. No more coffee just decaf (suppose to be an appetite stimulant)
4. No more soda
5. Get 60 - 65 grams of protein a day
6. Get 64 ounces of water/crystal light a day
7. No straws ( I personally hate this rule and would like to formally object)
8. eat protein first
9. limit starches
10. take vitamins, vitamin D and caltrate daily

Did I miss any? Are your rules like the ones I got from my doctor?

to tell or not to tell that is the question

Well my last day of school has passed so I don't really have anyone asking me how I lost the weight now. I have about 8 weeks off which I had the goal of losing another 13 pounds. Maybe once my terrible horrible no good very bad sun burn goes away I can think of putting my butt on my bike I bought.
Anywhooo... a lot of people ask me how I lost the weight and I normally just say oh you know I am on the donut wagon. No donuts for me anymore. Because for me when you give me a donut it is like the book when you give a mouse a cookie. When I eat a donut for breakfast, I might as well have another one with my large coffee. Then for snack I should have a bag of m&m's and a diet coke. And when lunch time comes you might as well have a chalupa since you have already screwed up the day. And what goes best with a chalupa but a taco supreme and bag of cinnamin twists. Well now its almost dinner and you can't go wrong with a sub from subway. And since Dairy Queen left the light on for me, might as well pick a blizzard up on the way home.

Now of course I don't say all that, I normally just say "Just trying not to eat everything that comes in front of my face, and exercising a little" But then I start to wonder do they think I had surgery? And then when an overweight person asks me I want to scream from the mountain tops "I had lap band and it is the best thing I did, you could be healthy too" But then what if they tell some skinny person who thinks I took the easy way out.

So for the most part like I said I don't tell anyone because I am eating less, and making better decisions, and taking my gps off locating all the taco bells' in the tri-state area. But is that lying? I don't think so.

What do you do for pain?

Isn't it amazing what causes pain and what doesn't? I had a pretzel stick and I thought I swallowed a cup of sand. I had three bites of a breakfast burrito around 9:30 felt like a small child was stuck inside my breast bone. But a small fries, or a bag of cheetos no problem there. So crazy.

These past few days I have been in Puerto Rico and it was hard to know how many calories or protein I was eating. I did a few salads, I brought some protein bars, and protein chips. Of course I couldn't have any shakes so i am sure I was under my 60 grams. I also managed to have a migrane while I was there and got sea sick so I was puking a tad. I thought man I am going to come home and be in the ones. Even my husband was like you are going to lose weight you really haven't beeneating much. So why do I come home and see the scale at 203 two pounds more than what I left! Is there weight gain caused from being in on an airplane? Very disapointing.

On the issue of taking pain medications. My doctor said you can only take tylenol from now on, which does nothing to help my headaches. Does anyone out there take anything else? Also I can still swallow a pill fine but I know everything said to chop it up and put it in applesauce or something. I did throw up after taking the tylenol once and I don't know if that had anything to do with me swallowing them or just because I was already sick.

I tossed my cookies, I mean pizza

Well I had my first experience with throwing up after eating too much. Let me explain. We had our end of year luncheon, you know the one where there is food from one end of the world to the other. The kind of lunch where there is nothing green in site. The kind of lunch with 15 or 20 desserts to choose from. The kind of lunch where you fill your plate to the brim, go back some more and then take a plate home which you eat soon after you walk in the door.
So I knew I couldn't go all out like I used to, nor did I have the desire but I did want to partake in some of the festivities.

I started with a slice of pizza and a 1/4 of a tuna hoagie (aka sub). I ate the pizza minus the thick crust on the end. Feeling just fine I went on to eat the tuna with a fork from the sandwich. I didn't dig into the bread at all. I of course had no soda although there were at least 7 bottles of diet coke which were looking at me with loving memories. Then I had a scoop of canoli filling. Oh my lord I almost fell to my knees it was so good. After I ate all that I stopped and did feel some tightness in my chest. This was around 11:30. I was pretty proud of myself. Not an ideal meal, but no where near what I would have eaten on any other buffet table.
At 3:00 I went home and was forced to take a left over pizza with me. I said well it has been a few hours might as well have another slice. So I did, and I enjoyed it just the same. Still no crust, and I did throw a little piece to the dog. But this time I felt a lot of tightness in my chest. I knew I couldn't eat anymore I mean I was in pain. It feels like I don't have full breath capacity, it just is right in between my boobs and I guess i could describe it as someone squeezing my lungs from the inside.
Well at 4:30 the pizza box was still there, and guess what I did. I pulled off the bottom triangle and popped that sucker right in my mouth. I chewed, swallowed, and felt a little tight. Then I took just one more bite for the road.
I went outside to get in the car, and then the pain came. Lots of tightness, so much more than before. I leaned over to see if that would loosen up the pizza with no luck. Instead of sitting in the car I went outside the garage and spit a couple times. I had so much spit in my mouth and the pain was more intense. After waiting a few more minutes I leaned over again and spit out a little more. Still no relief. Then I got the urge to puke. I ran inside and threw up just a little. Like a dollop of undigested pizza. And although I didn't enjoy the experience I felt such relief. The pressure and tightness was gone. It put a little fear back in me and gave me a wake up call that I need to stop eating so much.
I mean when I have something from a restaurant in my house I take a pick at it every time I walk by. When I have a cake in my house I would cut a sliver off hoping no one would realize that there was half the cake gone. So since my surgery I have done a pretty good job keeping that kind of stuff out of the house. Well today it was here and I went back to old habits. I hope this incident helps me remember I don't need to, nor should I be picking at food all day long no matter how good it was.

The surgery is the easy part it is getting past your life long habits that is still a struggle.

I went shopping sort of

Went out shopping and tried on a pair of 16 bermuda shorts and capris. Guess what they fit. Now you might be able to see my panty line, and every dot of cellulite on my legs and butt, but they fit. I mean they buttoned, and went above my knees.
Needless to say I didn't buy them because I didn't want to gross out my colleagues but gosh darn it if I didn't call that a victory i don't know what is.
Weird thing is, I have a pair of 18's in my closet that are still at least an inch away from being able to button. What is up with that?

how many times do you weigh each day?

Ok let's be honest here, how many times a day do you jump on the scale. When I first got banded it was probably 9 or 10 times a day. I would weigh myself first thing in the morning, after soup, after a poop, in the middle of the night, basically any time I walked in the vicinity of the scale. I just wanted instant results.
Now I don't weigh myself quite so much but I do weigh often. First thing in the morning, and when I come home from work, and then right before I go to bed. I have figured out I am exactly 2 pounds lighter in the morning than I am at night. And my weight does fluctuate up and down a pound every other day or so. Why I don't know, and it is frustrating.
I don't know if the scale motivates me to do better or deters me from working harder. I think I am going to take a week off from the scale and see if that makes any difference. I mean I think it is like the saying a watched pot never boils. A watched scale never makes drastic moves.
How often do you weigh yourself?

How great are these? Let me count the ways.

So as any food addict knows we are always looking for the best food. Before the band my search for the best food would be found by going to lots of different restaurants and scouring the web for new dessert recipes. After the band I am in search of food I can eat that will get me closer to my goal of 175. I came across these protein bars at Target. They cost 3.99 for I think 6 bars and they are delicious! The one I am holding is mint which is good but my ultimate favorite is Peanut butter. Can you say Reece's peanut butter cup? Because that is what they taste like. There is no gritty taste or fake chocolate taste either. Now you do have to chew it doesn't melt in your mouth but don't we want to chew?
It has 14 grams of protein and I think 200 calories all of which are totally worth it.
They also have a graham cracker one which is ok.
Before I found these I was buying protein bars through Bariatric Choice for 9.99 a box. These taste just as good if not better and cost much less.

I have found that if I have a bar in between lunch and dinner I don't do stupid snacking. Sometimes I need it after lunch as my dessert. Just to have something sweet.

who's fruity?

One thing I have never been is a fruit eater. My fruit repertoire consists of bananas and the occasional apple. I have tried so much fruit at various times in my life and I just really don't like it. Peaches are furry, cantaloupe is mushy, and watermelon is just too watery. So what I do to get a little bit of fruit in is use frozen fruit in my protein shakes. Here is a bag I found at Walmart for like 6.00. It is pretty good it seems like it makes my shakes taste different each time since I always get a different mixture of the fruit.
When I first started doing shakes I did frozen strawberries, then a frozen berry mixture. Although it was good the frozen berries had soo many seeds in it. I felt like I was doing a commercial for Polident. Remember the commercial for dentures where they were always complaining about he seeds getting stuck in their teeth.
For a few weeks I did frozen blueberries until I realized I had been going around all morning with bits of black blueberry skin stuck in my teeth all day.
For now I am good with the mixture. I put about a cup of fruit, a scoop of protein powder, skim milk and a teaspoon of sugar. You know a teaspoon of sugar helps the medicine go down, at least that is what Mary Poppins always said.

Till next time.

I don't get it

So like I said this week I have felt restriction. Let me share with you my experiences on what has caused me to get a severe tightness or being stuck.
A small quartered potato from potato salad.
A bite of turkey sausage, egg white and half of a bagel sandwich.
A piece of cheese.
A bite of cake. ( I know I normally don't have it in the house but it was someones birthday this week)
Three bites of a turkey burger.
What I don't get is at other times during the week these things gave me no trouble. Does that mean I ate faster when I got stuck? I don't think so.
What I did find out is drinking to get relief does not work. In fact I think it makes it more painful. But that is just me.
My worst episode was the potato. I spent ten minutes at my parents house spitting in the toilet. You know how right before you throw up you get a lot of spit in your mouth, well that was me. Thankfully I didn't throw up but I did have tons of spit. My doctor said that is the way or your body trying to dislodge the food by lubricating your esophagus. I did get some relief when leaning over the toilet, maybe a different angle helps? I don't know.

You would have thought I would have lost a ton of weight since I have this restriction now, but no. I lost 2 pounds since when I got my fill almost 2 weeks ago. I will say there has been almost no real exercise this week, and my food choices have not been the best. But I also had nothing but shakes this week for breakfast and have always gotten my 60 grams in each day because of that. One thing I did a lot of this week is grab handfuls of cereal to get that sweet taste in my mouth after dinner. I ran out of my protein bars and this was what I did to compensate for not having something sweet. And then of course there was the cake. I guess when writing it down I understand why I didn't lose more, but in theory it would have been nice to see something different on the scale.

Houston, we have restriction!

For the first time I can say I have restriction. Yes that last fill certainly did something.
On Friday I was on mushy food so nothing that day. Saturday I wake up made myself some eggs and turkey sausage. I had maybe 2 bites of my eggs and felt like someone stuck a knife in between my boobs. I waited a minute took a little drink which I never do anymore when eating and felt no relief. So I spent the next 10 minutes walking around my dining room table beating on my chest trying to produce a burp. It was painful and scary. Needless to say that was the end of breakfast. I was fine for lunch but dinner was the same. And let me tell you when I had a piece of cheese, omg! I chewed really slow and my last bite I guess I didn't do such a great job. I almost fell to my knees it hurt so much. But 10 minutes later I was fine. My nose started to run and I did have quite a bit of spit in my mouth but I didn't throw up.

For the last few days I have decided a few things. One it is not worth the risk of feeling that way at breakfast. I have read enough blogs and posts from lapbandtalk.com that people are tighter in the morning. So I am just going to drink shakes for breakfast for a while. When I do I always hit my 60 grams of protein anyway. And second I started thinking that maybe food isn't going to be fun much longer. I mean if this is what is going to happen when I eat why even risk it. Which is good. I don't want food to be fun anymore, I don't want to think about all the things I could be eating anymore. Which I have noticed a big difference in, I don't think about food all the time, or where I can stop on the way home to pick up a quick snack. But when food is in front of me, I still struggle with stopping or even starting to eat it. With restriction maybe I won't have to wrestle with that anymore.

I did lose a few more pounds, but then today I bought a bag of m&m's and ate them all. No restriction there, and I just had some popcorn. I know why I ate more than normal today. I am stressed and wrestling with decisions about home, work and finishing my masters. And of course when stress pops up, I pop into the kitchen. It is a long struggle to beat this.

In other news, did you see the girl that had gastric bypass gained like most of her weight back? She has her own show now and was in people magazine. She was in that group of three girls back years ago. Can't think of her name. I just couldn't believe it. Did she stretch her stomach? That is one reason I opted for the band, I figured if I ever got out of control someone could just tighten me up and put me back on track.

Till next time my friends. ...

Fill er up

So I had my fill on Thursday and I thought I would tell you my experience. Now my first fill I was completely a basket case. I didn't know if it would hurt, how she would find my port and how long it would take. I broke out in a cold sweat and I kept thinking this lap band was a bad idea. When I went for my first visit I wasn't even expecting to get a fill. The doctor just said today is your day. And I responded "I don't know if I am psycologically ready for a fill." He said he would walk me through it and told me everything he did before he did it. And wouldn't you know it was like nothing. Just a little pinch, I didn't feel the burn and some pressure when he put it in.

Fast forward 4 months and I am a pro. I jump right up on the table, pull my shirt up, and put my hands above my head, and wait for the needles with anticipation. The whole process takes maybe 2 minutes. Now this time I will say I was a little sore afterwards. It felt like she had to push down harder to find the port. I never see the doctor anymore just the physicians assistant, but I don't mind. I figure a fill is a fill no matter who does it.

What I love about the visit is the pre-doctor questionnaire by the nurse. Who by the way I don't think is a nurse. It is probably a woman just dressed in scrubs who knows how to take your blood pressure and read a scale. The reason I say this is because this time I actually asked her some questions this time which I thought were pretty general and she had no clue.
Well she asks me about fifty questions like : do you have numbness or tingling in your hands, any shortness of breath, any pain in your legs, any problems with constipation or diarrhea, any hair loss, etc etc.
So this time I casually say "Well what would you say is constipation? Like 2 days, 3 days?" She said well it varies for everyone but if you are worried about it you can talk to the doctor. Well why didn't I think of that. So now I don't know why I thought she could answer another question since the poop thing was obviously above her skill set but I threw another one in. I say "Oh I noticed my bmi is 33 now what is a normal bmi supposed to be?" I am thinking this is the question that will redeem her and show me she has been trained in fat people questions. But her response "well we have a program where you can punch in your height and it will tell us" Now I am thinking she might offer to type in my height into her program but once again I over thought it. Instead she puts me in room 2 and I just wait for the doctor to come in so I can ask a human with a brain.

When the doctor, or physicans assistant came in I asked her about the poop issue. She said if you are not pooping daily to take miralax. My first thought is well don't I need to be around a toilet all day then? She says no not with that brand, but I know I'll try it on a weekend first just to be on the safe side.

I did ask her about my hair. Which she said looked beautiful I might add. :) She said keep a log of protein and food and if I actually am getting 60 grams of protein a day and it is still falling out to make an appointment with the nutritionist. She also added it could be due to protein or just the surgery, or lack of b12 or biotin.

And with that I was off, for my 24 hours of soft foods. Mostly I do shakes and tuna. Yesterday I was back on solids again. I can say I do have restriction. I mean I can feel it going down and a tightness I never had before. I had 1/4 of a salad from Texas road house Friday night and could eat no more. Saturday I had another 1/4 of the salad and once again was done. I am hoping this is the last fill I will need for a while. I just need to lose 6 pounds and I will be in the 100's.

Endorphins? Never heard of them.

So I am counting down the days till school ends. Every summer I say I am going to lose the weight and come back cute. And every year I come back heavier than when I left. But this year, is the first year I know that won't be the case. Being banded up is finally going to keep me from flagging down the ice cream truck and on the straight and narrow. I know I'll be able to exercise in the morning and not be exhausted when I come home from work.
Hopefully I will get into loving exercise which people are always talking about and be able to continue consistently during the school year. You know what I mean, those people who say " Oh I can't go a day without exercising" Or "you just feel so much better after you run a few miles"
I still am tired after I work out, and could go weeks without thinking about digging my action bra out of the drawer.

I am still in search of a bike with a big seat to accommodate my big butt on craigslist or at a yard sale. I refuse to pay full price for a bike until I know I can 1) actually ride it and 2)ride it often.
Three years ago I sold a bike I had carried around from house to house spouting to my husband "but I'll ride it at the new house because there is room in the garage, and I won't need to bring it up from the basement" Or " I'll ride it this time because the streets are wide enough" Only to have it collect dust for a few more years.

One more day till my next fill. I don't know why I am so excited. Maybe the thought of getting closer to 50 pounds!

Hair one day, gone tomorrow

Why is this woman posting a picture of her sink you ask? Well I am trying to show the amount of hair that falls in my sink while I am blowing my hair dry these days. I guess it has been about 6 weeks or so that this has been happening. This doesn't count the hair on the floor or in the shower and it is quite alarming. I wash my hair every other day now and switched shampoos to see if that would give me a little more volume.
Now I am no baldy but I can tell my hair is thinning in the front. I sure no one else has noticed but this does seem like a bit of hair coming out every other day.

I have read some posts that hair loss is due to lack of protein. Since I have noticed my hair coming out I have been very good at making sure I am getting about 60 grams of protein a day which is what my doctor said to do. I also take vitamin D, and adult vitamins daily. I need to start taking the Caltrate I bought right after surgery, although I don't think it will do anything.
I have also read that losing your hair has nothing to do with protein but more to do with the surgery people experience 3-6 months earlier.
Either way its happening and I hope it doesn't last much longer.

In other news the scale is standing still at 207. I go for my next fill on Thursday.

So this is what skinny people eat?

So here it is a bag of nuts and berries as I call it. It has 7 grams of protein for a 1/4 cup serving. Now I must tell you my experience with this lovely treat. The first day I had these I almost spit them out. It reminded me a bit of eating gravel, lots of chewing and not making much headway. I complained to my friends as I ate the handful I poured out into my hand. There are almonds, popcorn kernels, and some dried cranberries it in. But I was hungry and I wanted a healthy snack so I ate it.
The next day I went in my cabinet and poured out my handful and surprisingly it actually wasn't as bad. Maybe I was hungrier, maybe I remembered what a popcorn kernel tasted like and it wasn't as shocking but I actually liked it.
Now it has been a week of my eating this twigs and berry mixture and I actually love them. So I guess it goes to show you, your tastes do change.
Now if I could only get into Greek yogurt.

today was a pretty good day!

Well although the scale hasn't moved in a few days I did have a few non scale victories.
First I put on my medical id bracelet that I bought in January and it actually clasped. Why is this a victory you ask? Well because when I ordered it I was too lazy to find the tape measurer so I guessed on my wrist size. And I guessed about 2 inches too small. So for the last 4 months I have been living life on the edge hoping I wouldn't get in an accident and have my lapband destroyed by a chest tube. Yes, these are the things that go through my mind.
So I wore a bracelet today probably the first one I have worn since my teens. I mean when you have fat wrists bracelts don't look too feminine.

Second I fit into a pair of khakis that I haven't fit in at least 6 years. Good thing khakis don't go out of style! I told my husband there was a reason I kept all my clothes because one day I might fit them. Well today was that day.

When I came home I did a little Wii workout. I don't mean to brag but I could probably beat Venus or Serena in Wii tennis. Yea, I am just that good. :)

Went to Taco Bell for dinner and had 1 taco and 1 biscuit and some chips with dips. Now, I know that was not exactly on the fresco meal plan but for me going to taco bell and not ordering 3 tacos, a chalupa, chips and dips and an order a twists for desert is a special day.

Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.

Just like the song says I was down today. Not really depressed, but major stress, and so what did I do? You guessed it eat. I had a great shake for breakfast, decided to have grilled cheese for lunch and a protein bar instead of the weight watcher meatloaf I packed. Then I had a 6 inch subway chicken sub for dinner. And about 5 minutes after dinner I decided to finish off the slice of pizza I saw in the fridge when I went to get the crystal light. I didn't eat the crust but does it really matter?
Then I figured my kids couldn't possibly finish all of their smores goldfish so I helped them do that. It's pretty bad when your 2 year old says " No more mommy" So I moved on to the rice krispy treat.

Finally I realized I needed to get out kitchen and get on the treadmill. After 32 minutes I was done and feeling better about being done my binge. While sweating my butt off I saw from the calendar I taped on the top of the treadmill I haven't been on it since March 15th. I guess I put off exercise as long as possible. I figured if I was losing weight why bother, but I think getting on it might keep me from eating too much. I don't know if my endorphins are soaring now but at least I feel productive.

Now I think the food caught up with me and I feel like I swallowed a sock. Like I said I really don't have restriction as I am eating, I only feel it much later almost too late.

Having the band has really made me look at and make more changes to why I eat. I don't eat when I am bored anymore, but obviously eating when I am stressed is still something I need to work on. I am also working on not eating in the car. I mean I remember one day i bought 50 donut holes. When I got home there were 10. So for all of you non math majors out there that means I ate 40 in a 10 minute ride back to my house. That is what you call mindless eating.

Baby steps is how I am taking my new banded life. I have a bad eating episode which makes me remember how far I have come, and then in the same thought how far I still have to go.

What has happened so far?

Well I was banded in December over Christmas break. Yes that means I had nothing but broth for my Christmas dinner but at least I had some time to heal.
During the first 5 days it was pretty painful. Lots of pressure in my upper chest, almost near my shoulder. I can only describe it as an elephant standing on me. I read up on how to relieve the 'gas pains' which was walking and gasx. When I took those strips which tasted nothing like the cinnamon trident I was hoping for, for days with no relief. I did so many laps around my dining room table I think I made a track in the floor. But on day 5 I felt relief and then I was ready to start my less painful journey.

So far I have had 5 fills and am at 7 cc's. I really don't feel like I have any restriction. Each time I go in for a fill, my doctor asks me can I eat bread. And my answer is always, "yep" Then she asks, "Can you eat chicken?" And the answer is yes! So she shoots me up with another cc and I go home to see if things will change.

No PBing as people talk about, no sliming as I have heard so many stories about.

Why no pictures you may ask, well I guess I am not out yet. I told 3 of my colleagues at work, and three of my friends outside of work. I think I just have to get comfortable with it first before I out myself. I am worried about what people might think, and talk about how lazy I am.
For right now when people ask me how I am doing it I just say eating less and making better food choices. Which is true. I just neglect the part about if I tried to eat a bowl of rice I would probably explode due to constriction.