to blog or not to blog

I haven't blogged in a while. Maybe because nothing new has been going on or maybe because I am not sure anyone really reads this.
Well today my good friend said she was ready to have surgery for weight loss. She has been overweight her whole life just like me and has always been ok with it. Now I think she has had enough and it has really affected her health. She has really high blood pressure. Anyway when she asked about the band I said I thought that if I had to do it all over again I would get bypass.
And the reasons why were really just because it would have been faster and I would have lost more.
The only reason I didn't get bypass in the beginning was becasue I didn't want to give up sweets and I read so many people had dumping after eating anything sweet. so i guess it was me being selfish of not wanting to give up sweeets.
But i realize now that maybe I needed to do that so I would stop eating them. I still eat a lot of sweets, candy, cookies, ice cream I just don't eat them all in one sitting.
If you put what I ate on a plate for the whole day it really wouldn't be much. It is just bad choices. Tonight I had baked fries with cheese. For lunch I had some ravoli. I had a peice of toast for breakfast and a few pieces of halloween candy. And that is it. For the whole day. Really not much but it is just junk.

Now I start the jealous part of me because I know if she gets bypass she will lose a ton of weight and I will be stuck where i am at 70 pounds lost. Just a mess I am.

yep I threw up

I don't get it, so hungry at night but tight during the day. Yesterday I had about 6 bites of ww ziti and meatballs. Then I felt the spit. I went to go to the bathroom but someone was in there. I quickly tried to walk back to my classroom without looking like I was having an issue. I knew if I talked in the hallway spit would just come out of my mouth since it was so much.
got to the bathroom and let it all out. You know it just drips out, so weird. Then the nose starts to run and within 30 seconds I have thrown up a few times. I feel so much better what do I do? Eat my 100 calorie pack of Oreo thins.

getting a little help

Well my state has this program where you sign up to get healthier. They give you a health coach who calls you every few weeks to check up on you. they give you a menu to follow and I think some exercises to try. Also I went today to get all my cholesterol numbers tested for free through this program as well. If I follow it for the year i get 200 bucks in June. I don't even need to lose weight just keep talking to my health coach. And who doesn't love $200!

According to them I should be at 159 pounds. I am currently at 183. My BMI is 28. It used to be 40 so I am happy about that. i would love to be 159 pounds. I think the last time I was in the 150's was probably in 9th grade.

I am hoping this will put me back on some kind of accountability with myself.
The good news is all of my cholesterol is 180 and my good kind is 86 the goal is to be over 60. My blood pressure is 117/66. And the bad cholesterol was low also so I am good there. My only problem is the weight.

10 pounds!

Got on the scale yesterday and it read 185. I was like oh my that is a few pounds higher than what it has been. Then I started thinking. In April I was 175. so now I am 10 pounds heavier. This would explain the tightness of my pants. This would explain how I still can't fit in a size 14 no matter who the maker is.
I know why I gained. I made bad choices. I consistantly make bad choices. I start off every day fantastic and do well up until I come home, and then all bets are off. I had about 8 chips as soon as I walked in the door and 5 cookies. I had a scoop of mac and cheese for dinner and 2 scoops of lo mein that i made. And you know what I could eat more. This is in stark contrast to the morning where I can't get anything down. Or at lunch when I can take a few bites, or in the afternoon when I have my snack and have to eat it very slowly. Why then when 4:00 hits does all the restrition go away? I don't know, but I do know I can't go back to the way I was. And 185 is really close to 190.

earthquake and a hurrican

this week we had an earthquake and now are preparing for a hurricane. And what do you need in a hurricane? Donuts! So of course after I bought the water, candles, and rain gutters I put some donuts and fritos in the cart. Because you need some non perishable items.

I have done really well I think this week though in food going back to work. Each morning I had my shake worth 30 grams of protein and probably close to 300 calories. I have had no snacks between that and lunch. Then for lunch I ate tuna and a few crackers. For a snack I had a cheese stick and some turkey peperoni. At home for dinner not too much. One day I did have a a few hand fulls of chips, another day a hotdog with no bun, another day 2 slices of thin crust pizza. So I really don't think bad. Definitely better than what I had been eating. However the scale said 182 this week. 1 pound more than what it was last week. I am blaming it on my food last week. But it could have been for adding breakfast this week since all summer I never ate any.
My rationale was if I eat a good breakfast I won't snack as much and get my protein in. I hope the scale will move down soon. If not I will need to jump back on the mill soon. As I have been on my but for about 5 weeks. No exercise at all.

and the ground shook

Yes I felt the earthquake. And it was weird. I can't imagine how scary it must be in California or japan when they have them because this was little and I found it frightning. Luckily there is no real damage anywhere and no one is hurt. We were told to leave early of course the day before school opens so i am not ready in my classroom. But I can't complain since we are all safe and no injuries.

Today I put on my size 14 white pants. And let me tell you they were a little snug. So snug that I thought meeting all of my parents in them would probably be making a statement I didn't want to make. So I put them back int he closet and put on the big 18's. Why did I insist on wearing big white pants. Because I had already ironed my shirt and I really wanted to wear these lovely fuschia flip flops. now scale wise I am about the same. Remember I fluctuate between 179 and 181 all the time. So the pants should still fit but they do not. Could I blame on the dryer or I really should blame it on the cookies and chips I have been eating.

I have these past few days since I have been back to work had a protein shake for breakfast. Tomorrow I will add back in the water i need to be drinking. Then I should move into eating less snacks. One thing at a time just like I started.

summer is winding down

The good thing is I haven't gained any weight over the summer. The bad news is I haven't lost any either. Maybe 180 is just where my body wants me to be. Or maybe I need to seriously look at my eating to see what I can do to lose weight. I really don't want to stop here. I mean I am ok but a 14 is snug it would be nice to have a little wiggle room.

So as I go back to school in another week I bought myself a new coffee cup and new cup to drink cold things from. Normally for me if I like the cup I drink more. I know crazy but I do. And one thing I know I don't do enough of is drink.

I also need to count protein. If I had to guess I would say I get about 30 grams of protein a day. Way below the 60 I am supposed to be getting. And the only reason is laziness and saying I want to eat something regardless of the nutrional value.

I also bought myself a very stylish lunch bag. Yea i know you are thinking a lunch bag stylish but it is! This past year I eiether brought my lunch in a plastic bag or took one of my kids. So maybe if I like my bag I will pack a better lunch and do better in the protein area.

All summer long I wear flip flops and shorts or capris with a relaxed waist. It is going to be a big change to put on fitted shirts and pants and shoes with a back on them. I still haven't much of a work wardrobe because I thought I was just passing through size 14. That was 8 months ago.

met a fellow bandster

I saw my mom today and she said "oh I have to let you meet someone who got a band"
I went up and started asking her all the questions.
When did you get banded?
How much did you lose?
How much is in your band?

Well turns out she was banded in April of last year and lost 70 pounds and I was like whoa that is great. But then I heard the whole story. She lost 40 pounds before the surgery. Then 30 pounds after the surgery. So that really isn't that fantastic of results. She looks normal. My mom said she just was a little chunky before the surgery. I said " Well how did your insurance approve you if you lost 40 pounds before the surgery?" she told me she had 2 other co-morbidities.

She seems very disiplined though. She only eats 3 ounces of protein at each meal. A shake and a fruit for breakfast and 40 grams of carbs for the whole day.

Inspiring to see how someone else does a year out.

the shoes are great

I went to Kohls and got a fantastic deal on some New Balance shoes and let me tell you they are pretty snazzy. They are running shoes although officially I don't know how much running I do in them. They retail for $70, we on sale for $49 and then I had a coupon for 30% off so we are talking fantastic deal. I feel like I am walking on marshmallows people. Marshmallows!

I planned to walk 5 miles. While I was walking i met a man who appeared to be about 95. I asked him how far he was walking he said 3.6 miles. Now I don't know how fast he was walking but I thought I was doing a pretty fast clip. So I got home and felt pretty good about myself until I clocked myself in the car. Turns out I only walked 4 miles in 75 minutes. So that comes out to about an 18 min mile. Not as good as I would have hoped.

Then of course the heat wave hit and we have been in 100 degree + heat for the last 3 days and these little puppies are staying in the house.

A person on facebook referred me to www.dailymile.com. I have yet to get it to work but it is supposed to map your route and figure out how far it is before you walk it. she said she walks for 2 hours a day to help her lupus. It is similar to facebook in that you can talk to friends about your walk/run. You can also track your exercise and it will figure out the amount of calories and miles walked per week and to date. I think it can do a lot more.

If you want to friend me I signed up as Lynne Patten. Maybe motivating each other will get us all more mobile.

who ate the cookies from the cookie jar?

that would be me. I made some home made cookies and brownies for a BBQ I was having at our house on Sunday. I ate about 9 cookies on Sunday and 5 on Monday. Tuesday I threw the rest of the bag out. Something I would never have done before. I ate no brownies which was good.
At the BBQ since there were so many kids about 1 million flies got in the house. I killed 17 on sun, 16 on Mon, 7 on Tuesday and 3 today. I thought I got the last one and then I saw two more hanging on the light. I found two getting their grove on, by the table. Now I am worried they are going to have babies somewhere since I saw a little fly today. Crazy I tell you I hate flies.

In other news I have not exercised in 4 days. I blame in on my cheap shoes from Target. I was waiting for my 30% of coupon for Kohls to be valid because you know you never get a 30% one. Today I got a $70 pair of Fila's for $29. Tomorrow it is on.

I checked with my running friend and showed her how I have been running to confirm that I was doing it ok. I told her how I started running flat footed and it hurt my knees. Then I changed to running sort of on the top of my feet or my toes and not putting my heels down. She said it looked good. I said well why does it hurt my shins so much? Her response was 1) my legs aren't used to it and 2) I had crappy shoes.

Again tomorrow I hope it works out better for me in the exercise field. I know getting up is going to be a challenge.

found my camera

today before surgery December 2009

Yes I found my camera and so I can finally post a few pics. And yes that is me wearing shorts. Very short shorts I might add. Shorts I got at a yard sale for a quarter just in case they didn't fit. But they did. I have not worn shorts this short in probably 15 years.

I also found my tape measurer so I took some measurements and the results were not in my favor. The last time I measured myself was in January. I was 180 the same as I am now. However I have gained 5 inches since then. 2 in my waist, 1 in my stomach, 1 in my boobs, and 1 in my upper belly as I call it. So same weight yet larger measurements. Not fun.

I was thinking I need a fill. Why you ask when I have some restriction? Because today in honor of the 4th of July I ate an entire funnel cake. A whole one by myself. I would say that is close to bread I shouldn't be able to eat one right?

don't eat a hot fudge sundae

went to McDonalds today since traffic was crazy and we needed to get out of the car and get something to eat. I decided to look at the nutrition facts in my spare time as my kids played on the play area which was probably infested with germs.
I found out a hot fudge sundae has 330 calories and a ice cream cone only has 150. So make a good choice the next time you are craving something in the drive thru.
And for goodness sake never ever get a large cookies and cream or m& m shake or smoothie or whatever they call them. Those things have 900 calories. for a drink! That is crazy.

I had a crispy chicken sandwich minus the roll of course and few fries. No drink. It took me a while to eat the chicken but I did eat it all. Then I had a cookie about 10 minutes later. Not the best lunch in the world but I had a coupon and it tasted good. Normally I get a kids cheeseburger meal and just eat half the bun and all the fries. So I guess a little less fries a little more chicken, 6 on one hand... dozen on the other.

Enjoy the weekend ladies.

just had a huge nsv

I decided to look at my blog and saw the what I dream about tab.
All of the things except for one I have achieved. I can't believe it. I still wear a bathing suit with a skirt but everything else is d-o-n-e! Feeling good.
I guess I need to set some new goals as I am still not perfectly happy with where I am.

still trudging along

Well it has been a little over a week and I am still working out. Now ask me if the scale has moved. WELL IT HASN'T I TELL YOU!!!
I biked about 6 miles on Saturday and my butt is hurting. I don't know how Lance does it. I mean I don't even have balls and I am thinking that would make matters worse.
Sunday was my day of rest.
Today I walked/jogged a total of 35 minutes. Only 11 minutes of jogging though. My best jogging was 21 minutes. Have I told you I am really slow.
My friend sent me my new schedule for this week.
Basically it is running 3 minutes walking 2 minutes 8 times so instead of 21 min total now I will be running 24 min total. Now mind you most days I haven't even done the 21. Then they are increasing the 35 min of total exercise time to 40 min. Well that isn't a problem.
But I am telling you I am really having a hard time with this. I know if I got a few pounds off it wouldn't be so bad so why won't the dang scale move!

It's been a few days

I have been getting up every day around 5:45 and going out and doing my exercise. I clocked it at 2 and 1/2 miles. Running 3 minutes 7 times is still hard and isn't getting any easier. And I have to admit that some times I stop short of three minutes. Today I ran a combined total of 16 minutes instead of 21, the day before I ran 2o minutes instead of 21. The day before that I didn't run at all my thighs felt like bricks.
Today I tried to experiment with my form if you say I have one. I normally run like I walk but maybe that is why I am so slow. So today I ran like more on my tip toes and it didn't seem to be as loud so I snuck up on a lot of bunnies. And it didn't hurt my knees so much. I'll have to ask my friend is there a way you need run or is just a way you like best.
She should be sending me my new schedule soon and I am worried since I can barely do this one.
As far as food goes i haven't been doing bad. I was up to 183 on Wednesday. Yea I said it and I was sick about it too. But today I was back to 181. Hoping tomorrow I will back to 180. I want to be back in the 170's soon.
What is your normal exercise routine like? Or do you have one?

I made a decision

On Saturday I went to a friends retirement party who is an avid runner, biker, swimmer, mover, shaker you know what I mean. Anyway I decided I was going to ask her for help. I asked her if she would train me through email and occasional stopping by for a 1/2 marathon! She said yes. Now I didn't realize at the time that September is only 13 weeks away. So I have a lot of work to do. She is realistic and says you won't run the whole way and the goal is to run/walk the marathon. The course is in Philadelphia and the time limit is 4 hours. So I could technically walk a 19 minute mile and just about finish it. My goal is to finish it in less than that of course.
On Sunday I ran for a total of 11 min. Not consecutive minutes. But ran them non the less. 30 seconds in I was doubting why the heck I decided to do this. But I needed to do something. The scale went back up to 181 and I have been sitting on this couch since my last 5k in March.
Signing up for this will inspire me to get moving and not be embarrased.
Today I did more walking then running total exercise time of 50 minutes. It was in the rain too. When I left at 6 in the morning it was just lightly drizzling then 10 mintues later it was full on raining but I kept going. I felt like if it rains on marathon day am i going to stop?

I also had a protein shake for breakfast yesterday and today. I am hoping the scale starts moving back in the direction it needs too as these pounds I put on since May have really irritated me.

buffet after the band

Before the band a buffet was a wonderful thing. I would eat, go back and eat some more. I would have at least 5 plates. I would sit and wait and go back and eat mostly more and more of the same things I liked. And of course I always got the icecream bar. Well in honor of fathers day and my oldest being away at camp, and my middle child being at grandparents we decided to go out to a buffet. We never go out to eat and actually eat at the restaurant. It is just too much work and too disruptive for all the other people dining with the kids.
Anywhoo. I paid 14.99 for my buffet and had a veggie omlet not that big I might add with a few bites of a banana fritter. That is it. No icecream, not the sausage I put on my plate, or the french toast, or the other banana fritter, or a salad.

Then after 20 minutes I finished my$ 3.25 cup of decaf coffee.
Way not worth what I paid for it but ......that was the point of the surgery which is what is so hard to wrap around my mind.

counting down the days

Just 3 days and then I am off for the summer. I can't wait. I'll be off with my daughter and have lots planned. Planned in the day is exercise in the pool or biking.
I am on this pill for my migrane and since being on it I have lost a few pounds so now I am down to 178. I don't quite know how since I have been eating like a lion these past few days. Do lions eat a lot? I had a big mac minus the bun. I had ice cream, and a peice of cake, nachos, the list could go on and on. Yes I feel restriction but I am just eating real slow. It is just pititful. Why am I doing this I have no idea. I told you I need therapy, and no I wasn't molested. You know how everyone on Ruby says well I am fat because I was molested as a child. I just eat because I absolutely love it.

I really wish I had a better support group here, actually a support group period.
I went to the store yesterday and got a lot of healthy foods so I have every intention of the day after my last day of work to get back on the wagon.

What are your plans for the summer exercise/food wise?

when it rains it pours

well things happen in threes they say.
So my air conditioner broke in the midst of the heat wave. I called a guy out and fixed it for barely nothing. 4 days later the compressor went. So now we need $3000 to fix it. A few days earlier I left my husbands car at my school parking lot not in the nicest part of town till 10 pm. When we went to go get it someone had jumped on the hood and bent it up. $800 of damage.
Tonight my teenager ran into our garage with van. It looks bad.

We just started a deck project using our savings to pay for $3000 the last payment is due on Sunday.

Just a lot of money all at once that we don't have. But on the positive my family and I are healthy, and the downstairs air is working, and my daughter just hit our house not a person.

I thank God for my blessings and know I can deal with what was thrown at us with his help.

i am going to be honest here

I changed my ticker to be serious with myself that I have gained 5 pounds back. I did my wii last night, but nothing today.

My air conditioning is still out and it is quite on the hot side. Hoping I can get the part I need tomorrow and fix it. Somebody came over today and showed me what was broken. I would never consider myself a fix it person but he seems to think it is within anyones ability to do.

I should get a fill maybe, but really I just think I need to show some discipline.

went to the doctor

Called the doctor and told her my issues. She is great. She put me on topamax? I think is the name. I will take it twice a day as prevention. She even called the pharmacy to see if it was small enough to swallow and if I could sprinkle the capsule if I couldn't get it down.
She was impressed with my weight loss since she has not seen me since before i had it done.
According to her scale I am down 68 pounds. Not as nice as I would have hoped. I mean when I weigh myself I am butt naked before eating anything. This was at the end of the day and fully clothed so I weighed 184. I didn't like that number one bit!

Yesterday I walked for 30 minutes and sweated like crazy. Today it is just too hot to go out so I put dancing on the Wii and getting ready to hit it in a few minutes. I have to get active since eating seems not to be working for me.

How many of you work out consistantly? How and when do you do it? The morning I am too tired to get out of bed before 5:30 and then when I come home it is like straight into mom duty and I am asleep by 9:30.
Do tell I need help, inspiration and motivation.

these migranes are the worst

Ever since I can remember I have gotten migraines. Well about 2 years ago my doctor says take Advil during your period and then you won't get them. And don't you know she was right. However since I got the band and they said no Advil or Motrin only Tylenol I can't take anything until after I get one. Which means every month after my period I get a killer headache. I was able to get a prescription to take when they hit but it only works if I take it as soon as I get it.
Well yesterday we went on a field trip and I got one. I didn't have my meds. Then we got on a bus packed with 2nd graders with no air. I thought I was going to die. It went from a headache to a migraine to something so much worse in 20 minutes.
When we got back to school I had to lay down. I knew I couldn't take anything because I could just feel me getting ready to throw up. Laying in the nurses office with kids coming in saying hi was not fun. I texted my husband to come pick me up because it hurt so bad.
So then picture me and my trashcan outside the school throwing up. Then all the way home I threw up. My head felt like it was going to explode. I took my medicine and threw it up.
This continued for hours until my husband says I am taking you to the hospital.
We drove there i and the line was out the door. I guess people got started early on their memorial day weekend. I said no way am I sitting in there for hours throwing up in a bucket for 5 hours.
We went home and I made it through. Finally at 10:30 at night I felt relief.

All I know is I can't continue like this. First thing Monday morning I am calling my doctor to discuss my options. This is probably my biggest issue with having the band.

down a few

down to 179.
been eating my peanuts with chocolate chips to get my cravings out.
had tuna for lunch today.
Been drinking much more water.
last night I had a little sliver of brownie and a swig of milk. 2 seconds later i was in the bathroom throwing up. I just can't drink after I eat ever. One day I will learn.

Still haven't exercised yet, that too will come.
Oprah told me I am worthy of happiness. I need to put my positive energy into this. :)

I'm blaming it on Aunt Flow

Yesterday I was 178.7 this morning I wake up and am 181.5. what the hell! How does that happen? And for the last two days I was so good. Ok not so good but a lot better than what I have been. I had my peanuts, cheerios, and chocolate chips as a snack between breakfast and lunch, and lunch and dinner. then I stopped eating at 7. No exercise but I did think about it.

Anyway I said well Aunt Flow is here I will blame it on her but overnight that is just crazy. And what did that motivate me to do today? Eat. I have absolutely no sense, none. I made cookies which was my first mistake I guess. I made it for my kids to be able to sell at our yard sale. Problem is the cookies never made it to the yard sale. My husband never took them out. ( I was yard saleing at other developments) So the cookies stayed in the house and many were eaten by me. I also had a handful of triscuts and maybe 20 cheetos, and a slice of danish. Terrible!

But tomorrow is yet another day and I am taking all the cookies to sunday school so there will be none left. And I have vowed to start exercising Monday. But I swear if I get on the scale and it is more than 181 a number I never thought I would see again I will hurt somebody.

met another bandster

Well last night I went to a retiirement dinner for a friend of mine and I saw another woman who looked normal. By normal I mean not overweight or flabby skin hanging anywhere. I then found out her name and knew she was the woman my friend mentioned that had a band.
After the dinner I went over to her and introduced myself and asked her if she had the band. She said hers was done in march of last year. Faith we will call her lost 155 pounds. So let us review. faith had a band a little over a year ago and lost 155 pounds! She looks great, and says she wears a size 10.
Then I started to do a little math. If she weighed 320 pounds and lost 155 pounds that would put her at 170 right? Only 5 pounds less than me yet I thought she looked so much thinner than I did.
I also asked her what she did and how much she had in her band. This is what Faith told me.
She has 3 cc's in her band - i have 10!
She walks 1 1/4 mile a day during the week, and then 1 1/4 mile twice on Saturdays and Sunday. she just walks that's it. --- I haven't exercised for months.
She keeps track of her protein and gets 60 grams a day. --- I haven't in months.
For snacks she packs peanuts and chocolate chips about a cup of peanuts to keep her sweet and salty cravings down. ----- I just eat everything lately.
She drinks a ton of water --- I probably get 16 ounces in a day not coutning my coffee.

What this means is that i have fallen off the wagon and she has stayed on and looks great.
She inspired me and I got peanuts with chocolate chips for my snack today. I had eggs with turkey and cheese for lunch.
I counted my protein today.
Then dinner came and we had pizza I had 2 1/2 slices, and 4 cookies. Yikes.
But I did do better than what I have been and I drank 36 ounces of water, which is also better.

I have resolved I am going to do better. I worked too hard to get this close to what I want to look like and then quit because of my laziness.

i need help

Well I lost three of the 4 pounds I gained. then I got on the scale today and I gained them all back. and I know why. It could be the 17 handfulls of chow mein noodles I had at
school. Or maybe it was the cookies and cream icecream I had with hot fudge. maybe it was the hotdog, the 50 chips and dip, or 2 bowls of cereal, or 4 cookies.
Why I eat when i know I shouldn't I don't understand. I guess I could get another fill but I think I need some serious therapy. Anybody know where to find a good shrink?

the good the bad and the pounds

The good - I had a fantastic 4 days with just my hubby and no kids so I could truly relax
The bad - When hiking the 7 miles on a moutain trail I hurt my ankles and it is painful to walk
The ugly- I gained 4 pounds in those 4 days. Although I didn't feel like I ate a lot I obviously ate too much bad food. Every morning I bought 2 chocolate croissants and throughout the day I ate them both. I am sure that is worth at least 2000 calories. I also ate a bag of sweedish fish and half a bag of cheetos.
Now how long will it take for me to lose it. I wanted to work out today but my ankles are still killing me. So walking or jogging is so out of the question. I did really good today that is until I did bad. I had coffee like normal, then a salad with chicken for lunch. I bought my friend a donut today and since she didn't come to work I ate it. For dinner I just ate a bowl of cereal and a bowl of popcorn. If I keep my mouth shut the rest of the night I won't feel terrible.
I need to go to bed early otherwise I know I will be eating more.

first time

I bought a dress, in fact I bought 2.... and I wore it last night. (size 14 thank you very much) I did put on a pair of spanx like shorts under it but I wore a dress. For the first time in probably 14 years I wore one and heels. I felt good. I was out with my husband at a banquet for his company and I felt lke I belonged. Last year or was it two years ago I went I wore capris and a shirt and look like a casual bum. But now I was dressed like everyone else and was not self consious.
Today we went out for lunch and I literally had 3 bites of my salad and 7 bites of my ravoli. I brought the rest back to the hotel and it will be my dinner. Acutally just the salad the chicken and ravoli my husband will eat.
Tomorrow we are going to take a 4 mile hike which I think should be fun. One day when I acutally have a camera I will post pics.
Did I tell you I am wearing the same bra size I wore back in high school a 38C. This is down from a 42 DDD. I would love to lose 10 more pounds but since I am not really doing anything to make a change I am pretty sure I will stay at this weight for a while. And guess what I am ok with that. I look normal and can wear clothes that I feel good in.

summer shopping

Well it was 85 here today and jeans were just not an option. I searched for some capris or shorts from last year and put on a pair of 18's. they fell right to the floor. Then I put on a 16 and wore them all day but boy were they falling down. Tomorrow i am going out of town for a couple days and it will be pretty warm and I will be seeing some people I haven't seen in years. I would prefer not to have my pants falling off of me.
I went to the cheapest clothing store there is, Walmart of course, and filled my cart with 150 bucks of clothes. I got 4 large v-neck shirts. 3 collared shirts, 1 denim capri, 1 dress capri for work, a pair of shorts and a khaki pair of capris as well, oh yea and a long sleeve medium shirt for next year tha was on clearance. I also got a night shirt. Now I didn't try anything on, which means I am still a little scared they won't fit. I bought all 14's no elastic this year. I am praying they fit otherwise I will have nothing to wear for the trip.
I took some pictures from easter and I have one from last year so hopefully I can post them side by side for a comparison. I'm off for the week because of spring break! Wanting to get some of the things I have been putting off forever done.

my daughters new job is not a good thing for my band

I now go to Burger King 3 to 5 times a week. For a food addict this is not a good thing. I dropped her off the other day and it was around lunch time so what did I do I picked up lunch. A kids cheeseburger meal. I removed the bread because if I ate it I would so have had keeled over in the car from the pain and probably thrown up as well. So I had the burger and the onion rings. Did you know you could get onion rings with a kids meal? Bonus! I waited for an hour till I drank my kids light lemonade which I doctored up with some sugar free rasberry syrup. (love it)
So that wasn't bad you know. Problem is my younger daughter didn't eat her meal. And you know you can't just waste food. So like 2 hours later I finished her kids meal fries and 1 chicken nugget. I guess still not terrible but not healthy food I should be eating.
In other news, never buy easter candy before easter. It is sort of like halloween candy except it is pink and blue. Just don't do it ladies. Cause your going to eat them. I have managed to eat 3/4 of a bag of peanut m&M's in 3 days. I just can't handle it. That is not to mention the 20 or so easter marshmallows I ate. Which I bought with good intentions to use as a sorting activity with my 2 toddlers. But they were just marshmallows no chocolate. You see how I make excuses to myself that it is not so bad? I feel like Ruby. Anybody watch her this week?
Guess I need to remove my debit card out of my wallet before I drop off my daugther this week for work. Probably the only way I won't be tempted.

why do I eat so much

Ok here is my day breakfast 2 cups of decaf - I have been eliminating my protein and I need to stop lunch salad with a little cheese, hard boiled egg and croutons. I figure about 400 calories with that and dressing I also had a chex cereal bar today and some pretzels, now that I think about it I had some cheetos too. OMG I am a pig when you write it all down. dinner whatever I make. tonight I had a slice and a half of pizza, but while I was waiting for it to cook I had some doritos, and a handful of chocolate chips. I know that was a terrible dinner and last nights wasn't any better. Then to top off the terrible day I picked up my teen at Burger king her first day of work. I bought mozzarella sticks, a piece of pie and french fries. Now I will say I only ate on mozzarella stick, and about 8 fries. I shared the pie with my three daughters so I probably only had about 5 bites. But .... it was just a bad day. And I had a bad day before that and before that and before that. If I didn't have the band I would have eaten way more but this just shows what an issue I have with food. I do feel restriction but obviously not enough but I think I need to really do something. This last 10 pounds that I want to lose will never come off. One because I eat like crap and two because I am pretty lazy. The biggest problem is I know what the problem is and I continue to repeat the cycle day after day after day. Anybody relate? Suggestions?

teenagers are a handful

totally off topic but I am going through some stuff with my teenager. she thinks she knows everything and we had her on punishment for some bad choices lets just say. Part of the punishment was no computer and phone. Come to find out after my husband and I have been going to bed she was taking my husbands computer and going online everynight. I am so mad. Not so much about the computer because it could be worse things but that she was going behind our back in our own house. When i ask her did she know she was doing wrong of course she said yes but she continued to do it. It wasn't just once or twice but almost everynight. Yes i am a heavy sleeper and I never thought she would go against us while we were in the house. So I am upset again, lost her trust again and am just sick of it. And what did I do first thing, just eat and eat. half a bag of cheetos, 3 cookies, bowl of cereal, hotdog, potatoes, handful of chocolate chips. And that was all last night. Tonight I had just about the same. I feel like I just can't stop. this is the addiction part of it I can't stop even when I know it is wrong and doing me no good. Which is why I can't get off this 176 pounds. Nor am I exercising. Anyone out there going to therapy and found any help in it? I seriously am considering it. Why can i not get past this terrible cycle of eating for stress and boredom? What a mess.

nothing like throwing up at Chuck E Cheese

Well Ithought the fill didn't work since I am still hungry and craving chocolate and banana milkshakes like no ones business. Tonight I went to Chuck E Cheese since my school was having a fundraiser there. I ordered a small pizza and when I say small it was small. Before the band I could have eaten the whole thing. I ate one peice very small peice I might add. And about 15 minutes later I started to eat my salad. Fast forward 4 minutes and I got that feeling something ain't right. Rush the bathroom and I guess you would call it a PB. Lots of spit then a big burp sound and viola a nice tablespoon or two of throwup. Then I feel better and read to eat more. I don't of course but the mental games that are going on in my mind is just a battle. When I got in the car I tried to eat a little more salad but didn't have a fork. I ate some crust and am done for the night. For lunch I had 1 scrambled egg and 2 slices of turkey bacon. Would have been a good day except I also ate a Twix bar. Yes both bars really 250 calories. last night since my husband is gone and why should I cook we went to Friendlys. Normally I would have ordered a turkey club melt with the fries and an order of mozzarella sticks and a happy ending sundae. Since sundaes make everything have a happy ending. But I ordered an appetizer size chicken quesadilla. I had one section, ran to the bathroom and had a very similar episode to the one I had tonight. I did eat about 10 mini carrots before I got there and I guess that sort of filled me up more than I knew it. When I got home 45 minutes later I finished the rest of the meal I started at Friendlys. See how weird that is! I mean shouldn't I only be able to eat one more slice instead of the 4 that were left? I guess that is what frustrates me about the band.

I got a fill last week

i decided to get a fill. It was my first one since Thanksgiving. She gave me 1.5 cc's a little more than I was expecting. I was on liquids the first day then soft the next. Basically I had two bowls of turkey chili that I made. Got down to 175. Today I had a little bit of chili. I started getting that feeling again and decided to walk very briskly back to my room so I could be there just in case. Good thing I did because as soon as I got there i started the spitting thing. Then I did a little throwing up just a few and boy did that feel better. So I guess the fill is working. However when I got on the scale today I was back to 177. What the heck. This is after a 5k I did on Saturday. I did terrible on the 5k. I was trying to beat my old 41 min time, except I forgot my watch. Which means I had no idea how slow I was going. I finished in 44 min. And the last two days I have been so sore. Why I have no idea but none the less my thighs and calves feel like I was stretched in one too many directions and i am walking like a 100 year old woman. I am still glad I got the fill, and hopefull it will get me to close my mouth a little faster. On the good news front I lost 16 pounds since I was at the Dr on Thanksgiving. She was very impressed and said I look great. I asked her if most people got plastic surgery. She said you are so young that you shouldn't need any. Your neck isn't sagging and your stomach looks so good. No mind you I think my stomach looks a hot mess but I guess when you are comparing much older people who have lost 100's of pounds mine does look better. She says just do some planks and you will strenghten your core. We'll see I still think if I do manage to lose another 10 or 15 I might need to get a tuck.

I wouldn't mind being up this late if...

I wouldn't mind being up this late if I didn't have to work tomorrow. You know maybe sleep in late, roll over and pull the covers up. But it is 3:30 in the morning and I have been up since 2. I don't know why, just woke up out the blue. So now I am online reading up on how to make the class more fun on St. Patrick's Day. I used to teach older grades so I never had to plan anything but it turns out 2nd graders still believe in little leprechauns and are expecting them to do something in the classroom.

Anywhooo I got on the treadmill yesterday and decided to increase my speed. I put it up to a 5.0 and could run for about a minute. Went down to a 3 then back up to 5. I guess it was like interval training but that wasn't my intention. I did a mile in 16 minutes. That is so pitiful. When I watch shows like Heavy or Biggest Loser and see these 300 pound people run for an hour I can't belive it. How come I can't run for 5 minutes.

In food news, I skipped my salad I packed today and ran to Chick Fill A. I got a chicken salad wrap and fries. I didn't eat the fries and I had half of the wrap for lunch and the other half for dinner. Guess that is not so bad. But I should also say I had three handfulls of m&m's, a cookie, and a bite of eggs also today. Maybe I should get a fill.

what to do?

Well I haven't lost any weight in a long time. and I know exactly why. I mean it is all about calories in, calories out. So I either need to eat less or exercise more.
Yesterday at recess i decided to run a lap with the kids. 1 lap is about 1/4 of a mile. Well let me tell you I thought I was going to have a heart attack. Now of course last year I wouldn't have been able to do it at all but I did it. Funny thing is the kids were like "we can walk as fast as you run, you should just walk" No mind you I am huffing and puffing the whole way. So this tells you it has been quite a while since i worked out.
There is a 5k coming in a few weeks put on by my school. I don't really want to do it unless I can run the whole way and since the 1/4 mile was a challenge I am thinking I won't be running.
I don't want to be embarrased around friends.

In other news I bought 2 pair of size 14 pants!!! Down from a size 22 when this all started. Now I still have mostly 16's in my closet since they still fit.

I think about getting a fill but then I think I really don't need a fill since I still have restriction I just need to close my mouth a little and stop eating so much. But then if I had more restriction maybe I wouldn't be able to eat as much. What I have been doing lately is eating waiting a minute to burp and then eating more. Should I get another fill I am at 10.5 cc's now and looking at others blogs I feel like i have more than anyone in my band.

it's been a while

Been a while since I blogged.
Been a while since I jogged.
Been a while since I got all my protein in.
Been a while since I drank 8 glasses of water.
Guess that is why it has been a while since the scale moved.

I have been enjoying Just Dance 2 which I got for my oldest daughter for christmas. It is fun and man it does work you out as long as you pick the right songs.
I saw that there is a half marathon in May. I am contemplating doing it just so I have something to shoot for. But man that is one long run, especially since I have never even run the whole 5 k.

I did it or maybe not

Yesterday I weighed myself as I do every morning. It said 179! I screamed and ran around the room naked in sheer joy. I was just too excited all day long.
This morning I weighed myself, -----180. Piece of crap.