nothing like throwing up at Girl Scout Camp

I went camping with my girl scout troop this weekend.  I didn't get to choose the foods and I learned two things. 
1. when you can only eat at certain times and not when you want or think your hungry you realize just how much you snack.
2. not being able to choose your foods and eat what is prepared for you causes another set of problems.  It is not always easy to just say no that foods you would like to eat.

I was so mind hungry and stomach hungry since our meals were at 12:30 and 6:30 nothing in between.  I don't really eat breakfast anymore.  So then you get your meal and want to eat everything you can because of the hunger.  For lunch I had lots of cucumbers, and a bag of chips.  The rest of the lunch was peanut butter sandwiches and I was not going to touch them.

For dinner I had maybe 3 noodles and  3 meatballs. Again I was so hungry but even if I wasn't hungry I probably would have eaten the meatballs.  I know it was the pasta that did me in.  Iquickly excused myself and tossed my cookies. 

Yet another sign that I probably need an unfill. 
What happens if I don't get it? What horror storieshave you heard?

almost died in my sleep I tell you

I woke up coughing like crazy.  You know when you swallow down the wrong pipe and can't stop coughing or get your breath?  Well that is what happened.  This was after I had been sleeping for maybe an hour.  I had about 2 large things to drink about 2 hours prior to me going to bed.  I always sit up for at least an hour after drinking then I also put two pillows under my head.  I have been having some rumbling sounds traveling up from mid stomach to my neck. I asked my dr about it and she was like it happens.  Well it happens to me a lot. only after I drink not when I eat.

Anyway I woke up coughing like a manaic.  Run to the bathroom cough so much I finally thow up all what I drank 3 hours ago.  I could tell during my coughing fit that I must have done a little thow up in my mouth which went down the wrong pipe.  I am telling you it scared the mess out of me.

Last time it happened I just woke up but no coughing just a terrible taste in my mouth.  I know I know I should get it checked out but I am terrified the second I get my band changed I will gain weight again.

down a few

Well I have lost a few pounds. this is the first time I have been under 180 in a year. I can only attribute my loss to really trying to
1. drink more during the day. I probably drink 32 oz of water now consistantly. I had stopped completely for a while

2. not eating so much in between meals. i stopped buying stuff out of the vending machine, and try not to have my hand in a bag of m&m's without thinking about it.

3. I have felt really tight these last few days which has helped. When it hurts you are reminded it is time to stop.

Heres to hoping I can continue going down. I tried on a pair of capris this week that were pretty snug from last year. Last year around this time I was 175, so maybe if I lose a few more I will be able to wear them and breathe.

you would think I would be thin as a rail

1 chicken finger from Texas road house made me toss my cookies.
4 bites of a chicken and vegetable wrap made me do the same as well.
you would think I would be as thin as a rail but somehow I always manage to be the same weight.

lies I tell

I decided to read the page on my blog 'foods I eat'. boy I haven't eaten those things for a long time. Egg whites has to have been at least a year. Shake for breakfast 6 months. Tuna, cucumbers, say it ain't so.
Let's rewind today for what is really going down.
- coffee
-2 oreos
-2 taco supremes
-1 bag of cinnamon twists
- a few popcorn chickens my daughter didn't finish
-5 fries
- 1 slice of pizza


And there you have in a nutshell the difference between losing weight and eating terrible. Reality time.

ice cream does it to me every time

I love ice cream. Soft serve ice cream that is. I love vanilla and chocolate. I love Blizzards and McFlurries. And now Burger King has them too. Betcha didn't know that did ya? Well my daughter works there and she often brings home one she can't finish and gives the rest to me. And who can turn down ice cream. tonight she offered me her onion rings she couldn't finish. I had no problems. Then her ice cream that she mixed with oreos and mini m and m's. Oh yeah it was good. I had a few bites and stopped. Gave a few to my younger daughter, then burped a few times and had the last two. Within in three minutes I was in the bathroom spitting away. And after a minute or so I threw it all back up.
I would like to say this is my first time throwing up after eating ice cream, but it isn't. I really need to just say no like Nancy Reagan said so many years ago. Why is it so dag on hard!
In other news I got down to 181, then this morning back to 185. what the hell.

did 100 jumping jacks today

I read something that said do 1000 jumping jacks a week and lose a pound. i did 100 today, not consecutive but I did them. Hopefully it will be a little easier tomorow.
i ate poorly today I was on the road and had nachos from taco bell. first hard food I have eaten in 5 days.

i had to get a fill!

I gained 10 pounds since my last fill in March. How is that possible? Probably because I eat too much of the wrong foods. the dr told me don't eat anything that dissolves in water.
that is half of what I eat.

I am at 10.9 cc's in an 11 cc band. I am just about maxed out after 2 years. I get worried what will happen when this is no good and my band is up to capacity.

since thursday I lost 5 pounds, but I still can't fit my pants. I mostly lost it because I was on liquids and soft food. I just threw up after trying to drink a sip of crystal light followed by a spoonfull of hamburger helper. (which I did not need I might add) I already ate my dinner 2 hours ago.

It is so sad I have no control over eating food, none what so ever.

to blog or not to blog

I haven't blogged in a while. Maybe because nothing new has been going on or maybe because I am not sure anyone really reads this.
Well today my good friend said she was ready to have surgery for weight loss. She has been overweight her whole life just like me and has always been ok with it. Now I think she has had enough and it has really affected her health. She has really high blood pressure. Anyway when she asked about the band I said I thought that if I had to do it all over again I would get bypass.
And the reasons why were really just because it would have been faster and I would have lost more.
The only reason I didn't get bypass in the beginning was becasue I didn't want to give up sweets and I read so many people had dumping after eating anything sweet. so i guess it was me being selfish of not wanting to give up sweeets.
But i realize now that maybe I needed to do that so I would stop eating them. I still eat a lot of sweets, candy, cookies, ice cream I just don't eat them all in one sitting.
If you put what I ate on a plate for the whole day it really wouldn't be much. It is just bad choices. Tonight I had baked fries with cheese. For lunch I had some ravoli. I had a peice of toast for breakfast and a few pieces of halloween candy. And that is it. For the whole day. Really not much but it is just junk.

Now I start the jealous part of me because I know if she gets bypass she will lose a ton of weight and I will be stuck where i am at 70 pounds lost. Just a mess I am.

yep I threw up

I don't get it, so hungry at night but tight during the day. Yesterday I had about 6 bites of ww ziti and meatballs. Then I felt the spit. I went to go to the bathroom but someone was in there. I quickly tried to walk back to my classroom without looking like I was having an issue. I knew if I talked in the hallway spit would just come out of my mouth since it was so much.
got to the bathroom and let it all out. You know it just drips out, so weird. Then the nose starts to run and within 30 seconds I have thrown up a few times. I feel so much better what do I do? Eat my 100 calorie pack of Oreo thins.

getting a little help

Well my state has this program where you sign up to get healthier. They give you a health coach who calls you every few weeks to check up on you. they give you a menu to follow and I think some exercises to try. Also I went today to get all my cholesterol numbers tested for free through this program as well. If I follow it for the year i get 200 bucks in June. I don't even need to lose weight just keep talking to my health coach. And who doesn't love $200!

According to them I should be at 159 pounds. I am currently at 183. My BMI is 28. It used to be 40 so I am happy about that. i would love to be 159 pounds. I think the last time I was in the 150's was probably in 9th grade.

I am hoping this will put me back on some kind of accountability with myself.
The good news is all of my cholesterol is 180 and my good kind is 86 the goal is to be over 60. My blood pressure is 117/66. And the bad cholesterol was low also so I am good there. My only problem is the weight.

10 pounds!

Got on the scale yesterday and it read 185. I was like oh my that is a few pounds higher than what it has been. Then I started thinking. In April I was 175. so now I am 10 pounds heavier. This would explain the tightness of my pants. This would explain how I still can't fit in a size 14 no matter who the maker is.
I know why I gained. I made bad choices. I consistantly make bad choices. I start off every day fantastic and do well up until I come home, and then all bets are off. I had about 8 chips as soon as I walked in the door and 5 cookies. I had a scoop of mac and cheese for dinner and 2 scoops of lo mein that i made. And you know what I could eat more. This is in stark contrast to the morning where I can't get anything down. Or at lunch when I can take a few bites, or in the afternoon when I have my snack and have to eat it very slowly. Why then when 4:00 hits does all the restrition go away? I don't know, but I do know I can't go back to the way I was. And 185 is really close to 190.

earthquake and a hurrican

this week we had an earthquake and now are preparing for a hurricane. And what do you need in a hurricane? Donuts! So of course after I bought the water, candles, and rain gutters I put some donuts and fritos in the cart. Because you need some non perishable items.

I have done really well I think this week though in food going back to work. Each morning I had my shake worth 30 grams of protein and probably close to 300 calories. I have had no snacks between that and lunch. Then for lunch I ate tuna and a few crackers. For a snack I had a cheese stick and some turkey peperoni. At home for dinner not too much. One day I did have a a few hand fulls of chips, another day a hotdog with no bun, another day 2 slices of thin crust pizza. So I really don't think bad. Definitely better than what I had been eating. However the scale said 182 this week. 1 pound more than what it was last week. I am blaming it on my food last week. But it could have been for adding breakfast this week since all summer I never ate any.
My rationale was if I eat a good breakfast I won't snack as much and get my protein in. I hope the scale will move down soon. If not I will need to jump back on the mill soon. As I have been on my but for about 5 weeks. No exercise at all.

and the ground shook

Yes I felt the earthquake. And it was weird. I can't imagine how scary it must be in California or japan when they have them because this was little and I found it frightning. Luckily there is no real damage anywhere and no one is hurt. We were told to leave early of course the day before school opens so i am not ready in my classroom. But I can't complain since we are all safe and no injuries.

Today I put on my size 14 white pants. And let me tell you they were a little snug. So snug that I thought meeting all of my parents in them would probably be making a statement I didn't want to make. So I put them back int he closet and put on the big 18's. Why did I insist on wearing big white pants. Because I had already ironed my shirt and I really wanted to wear these lovely fuschia flip flops. now scale wise I am about the same. Remember I fluctuate between 179 and 181 all the time. So the pants should still fit but they do not. Could I blame on the dryer or I really should blame it on the cookies and chips I have been eating.

I have these past few days since I have been back to work had a protein shake for breakfast. Tomorrow I will add back in the water i need to be drinking. Then I should move into eating less snacks. One thing at a time just like I started.

summer is winding down

The good thing is I haven't gained any weight over the summer. The bad news is I haven't lost any either. Maybe 180 is just where my body wants me to be. Or maybe I need to seriously look at my eating to see what I can do to lose weight. I really don't want to stop here. I mean I am ok but a 14 is snug it would be nice to have a little wiggle room.

So as I go back to school in another week I bought myself a new coffee cup and new cup to drink cold things from. Normally for me if I like the cup I drink more. I know crazy but I do. And one thing I know I don't do enough of is drink.

I also need to count protein. If I had to guess I would say I get about 30 grams of protein a day. Way below the 60 I am supposed to be getting. And the only reason is laziness and saying I want to eat something regardless of the nutrional value.

I also bought myself a very stylish lunch bag. Yea i know you are thinking a lunch bag stylish but it is! This past year I eiether brought my lunch in a plastic bag or took one of my kids. So maybe if I like my bag I will pack a better lunch and do better in the protein area.

All summer long I wear flip flops and shorts or capris with a relaxed waist. It is going to be a big change to put on fitted shirts and pants and shoes with a back on them. I still haven't much of a work wardrobe because I thought I was just passing through size 14. That was 8 months ago.