well I called another dr.

Me on the alps a few months ago.
I called another doc closer in town to see if they could fit me in sooner.  they said sure but you have to all your records sent here.  then you will need to have a consult before we can do any unfill.  I was like this is just silly.  So I should have called to get all that started but man you know everytime I remember to call it is their lunch break and my lunch break when they are closed. 

I realize I am causing my own problems and not making this any better.  I realize I have been eating unhealthy foods and have gone up to 180 now.  I realize I need to exercise several times a week for this thing to work.  yet I don't, I continue doing the same thing and getting the same result.

I have 4 friends I know that got the band.  One got it a few months after me, lost 20 pounds total.  She has had problems often and found out recently she only had 1 cc in her band.  she has to go get further tests to find out what happened.  She regrets ever getting it done.

Friend 2 got hers done around me also and lost 130 pounds.  She hasn't had a fill in years, exercises daily and looks healthy.  She says I control my eating the band does not.  She obviously has overcome her eating issues.  I have not.

Friend 3 got hers done earlier this year and lost about 40.  She has many of the same issues with eating too much as i do and throwing up.  She still waits like I do to burp, which makes room for another bite.  She doesn't exercise either.  We say we want to exercise together but coordinating schedules is difficult.  I have 2 little ones and a husband who works late.

Friend 4 got hers done earlier this year and lost about 60.  She looks fantastic, exercises every single day! She eats healthy foods but less of it.  I am amazed at her transformation and jealous.  Even though she is still heavier than me scale wise, she looks thinner than I do. 

Well there you have it in review, things you already know.  If you follow what you know is right you get great results, if you don't nothing happens.  Now if only  I could get my butt up and do something.

I am thrilled with my band, and my weight loss. I look normal, everyone tells me how great I look but I know things are not right and will get worse if I don't take measures to fix it,

two months

I finally called the doctor to get an unfill.  do you know when they can fit me in? Two months.   what the heck? 
These are the things that have caused me to call
- I am still sleeping on 2 pillows to keep my head elevated. If I lay flat I make gurgling noise
- I can't lay on my stomach ever
- I did a little burp where something came up in my sleep again
- I am throwing up like four or five times a week after eating chicken, eggs, noodles, etc
- I am having to eat a lot of crunchy foods because they go down easy
- my hair is falling out
- it takes me a long time just to drink anything, which means i am not getting all my liquids in

So all of these things get me to call.  Why did it take me so long? Because I am terrified that I will gain weight when I do.  even with all the things above and the small amount of food I still have not lost a pound in fact this morning I am at 181.  How is that even possible.  I have been hovering around 177 - 179 for months.

I told them I needed to be seen sooner.  They said I need to call back and speak to the office manager.
I guess I'll have to do that tomorrow.

Summer is here

Well summer is here and so are the shorts!  I am ok with wearing shorts now and am acutally trying to find a few new sundresses this year for the first time ever.
yes I am still needing an unfill. I have a few more weeks of school and then I am going to be able to get it done.  Right now getting it would mean leaving work early and I just don't want to do that with this little bit of time left.

My best friend just got her band this past week. She had to do 3 weeks of optifast before the surgery and lost 15 pounds.  then on Monday she had the surgery and has lost an additional 2 pounds since then.  She is texting me often to find out tips and asking me what I remember about when I had the surgery done.  It is funny telling her all about getting in protein and drinking slow and protein shots etc.  yet none of that I do now.  All I do is take my vitamins, and do not drink 30 minutes before or after.

I told her that I don't eat bread anymore or cake and I eat a lot less of everything.  But honestly I know I eat terrible food choices and am getting no where near the 60 grams of protein I used to be getting.

I wonder if she will surpass me on weightloss.  I wonder how quickly she will lose it.  We have both been fat together our entire lives.  I had the surgery 2 and 1/2 years ago and lost about 80 pounds where she has stayed where I was at about 250 for the past 10 years or so. 
I want her to do well, but in a selfish kind of way I don't want her to do better than me.

Maybe once I get my band right I can get back into the correct way of eating.

nothing like throwing up at Girl Scout Camp

I went camping with my girl scout troop this weekend.  I didn't get to choose the foods and I learned two things. 
1. when you can only eat at certain times and not when you want or think your hungry you realize just how much you snack.
2. not being able to choose your foods and eat what is prepared for you causes another set of problems.  It is not always easy to just say no that foods you would like to eat.

I was so mind hungry and stomach hungry since our meals were at 12:30 and 6:30 nothing in between.  I don't really eat breakfast anymore.  So then you get your meal and want to eat everything you can because of the hunger.  For lunch I had lots of cucumbers, and a bag of chips.  The rest of the lunch was peanut butter sandwiches and I was not going to touch them.

For dinner I had maybe 3 noodles and  3 meatballs. Again I was so hungry but even if I wasn't hungry I probably would have eaten the meatballs.  I know it was the pasta that did me in.  Iquickly excused myself and tossed my cookies. 

Yet another sign that I probably need an unfill. 
What happens if I don't get it? What horror storieshave you heard?

almost died in my sleep I tell you

I woke up coughing like crazy.  You know when you swallow down the wrong pipe and can't stop coughing or get your breath?  Well that is what happened.  This was after I had been sleeping for maybe an hour.  I had about 2 large things to drink about 2 hours prior to me going to bed.  I always sit up for at least an hour after drinking then I also put two pillows under my head.  I have been having some rumbling sounds traveling up from mid stomach to my neck. I asked my dr about it and she was like it happens.  Well it happens to me a lot. only after I drink not when I eat.

Anyway I woke up coughing like a manaic.  Run to the bathroom cough so much I finally thow up all what I drank 3 hours ago.  I could tell during my coughing fit that I must have done a little thow up in my mouth which went down the wrong pipe.  I am telling you it scared the mess out of me.

Last time it happened I just woke up but no coughing just a terrible taste in my mouth.  I know I know I should get it checked out but I am terrified the second I get my band changed I will gain weight again.

down a few

Well I have lost a few pounds. this is the first time I have been under 180 in a year. I can only attribute my loss to really trying to
1. drink more during the day. I probably drink 32 oz of water now consistantly. I had stopped completely for a while

2. not eating so much in between meals. i stopped buying stuff out of the vending machine, and try not to have my hand in a bag of m&m's without thinking about it.

3. I have felt really tight these last few days which has helped. When it hurts you are reminded it is time to stop.

Heres to hoping I can continue going down. I tried on a pair of capris this week that were pretty snug from last year. Last year around this time I was 175, so maybe if I lose a few more I will be able to wear them and breathe.

you would think I would be thin as a rail

1 chicken finger from Texas road house made me toss my cookies.
4 bites of a chicken and vegetable wrap made me do the same as well.
you would think I would be as thin as a rail but somehow I always manage to be the same weight.

lies I tell

I decided to read the page on my blog 'foods I eat'. boy I haven't eaten those things for a long time. Egg whites has to have been at least a year. Shake for breakfast 6 months. Tuna, cucumbers, say it ain't so.
Let's rewind today for what is really going down.
- coffee
-2 oreos
-2 taco supremes
-1 bag of cinnamon twists
- a few popcorn chickens my daughter didn't finish
-5 fries
- 1 slice of pizza


And there you have in a nutshell the difference between losing weight and eating terrible. Reality time.

ice cream does it to me every time

I love ice cream. Soft serve ice cream that is. I love vanilla and chocolate. I love Blizzards and McFlurries. And now Burger King has them too. Betcha didn't know that did ya? Well my daughter works there and she often brings home one she can't finish and gives the rest to me. And who can turn down ice cream. tonight she offered me her onion rings she couldn't finish. I had no problems. Then her ice cream that she mixed with oreos and mini m and m's. Oh yeah it was good. I had a few bites and stopped. Gave a few to my younger daughter, then burped a few times and had the last two. Within in three minutes I was in the bathroom spitting away. And after a minute or so I threw it all back up.
I would like to say this is my first time throwing up after eating ice cream, but it isn't. I really need to just say no like Nancy Reagan said so many years ago. Why is it so dag on hard!
In other news I got down to 181, then this morning back to 185. what the hell.

did 100 jumping jacks today

I read something that said do 1000 jumping jacks a week and lose a pound. i did 100 today, not consecutive but I did them. Hopefully it will be a little easier tomorow.
i ate poorly today I was on the road and had nachos from taco bell. first hard food I have eaten in 5 days.

i had to get a fill!

I gained 10 pounds since my last fill in March. How is that possible? Probably because I eat too much of the wrong foods. the dr told me don't eat anything that dissolves in water.
that is half of what I eat.

I am at 10.9 cc's in an 11 cc band. I am just about maxed out after 2 years. I get worried what will happen when this is no good and my band is up to capacity.

since thursday I lost 5 pounds, but I still can't fit my pants. I mostly lost it because I was on liquids and soft food. I just threw up after trying to drink a sip of crystal light followed by a spoonfull of hamburger helper. (which I did not need I might add) I already ate my dinner 2 hours ago.

It is so sad I have no control over eating food, none what so ever.