Fill er up

So I had my fill on Thursday and I thought I would tell you my experience. Now my first fill I was completely a basket case. I didn't know if it would hurt, how she would find my port and how long it would take. I broke out in a cold sweat and I kept thinking this lap band was a bad idea. When I went for my first visit I wasn't even expecting to get a fill. The doctor just said today is your day. And I responded "I don't know if I am psycologically ready for a fill." He said he would walk me through it and told me everything he did before he did it. And wouldn't you know it was like nothing. Just a little pinch, I didn't feel the burn and some pressure when he put it in.

Fast forward 4 months and I am a pro. I jump right up on the table, pull my shirt up, and put my hands above my head, and wait for the needles with anticipation. The whole process takes maybe 2 minutes. Now this time I will say I was a little sore afterwards. It felt like she had to push down harder to find the port. I never see the doctor anymore just the physicians assistant, but I don't mind. I figure a fill is a fill no matter who does it.

What I love about the visit is the pre-doctor questionnaire by the nurse. Who by the way I don't think is a nurse. It is probably a woman just dressed in scrubs who knows how to take your blood pressure and read a scale. The reason I say this is because this time I actually asked her some questions this time which I thought were pretty general and she had no clue.
Well she asks me about fifty questions like : do you have numbness or tingling in your hands, any shortness of breath, any pain in your legs, any problems with constipation or diarrhea, any hair loss, etc etc.
So this time I casually say "Well what would you say is constipation? Like 2 days, 3 days?" She said well it varies for everyone but if you are worried about it you can talk to the doctor. Well why didn't I think of that. So now I don't know why I thought she could answer another question since the poop thing was obviously above her skill set but I threw another one in. I say "Oh I noticed my bmi is 33 now what is a normal bmi supposed to be?" I am thinking this is the question that will redeem her and show me she has been trained in fat people questions. But her response "well we have a program where you can punch in your height and it will tell us" Now I am thinking she might offer to type in my height into her program but once again I over thought it. Instead she puts me in room 2 and I just wait for the doctor to come in so I can ask a human with a brain.

When the doctor, or physicans assistant came in I asked her about the poop issue. She said if you are not pooping daily to take miralax. My first thought is well don't I need to be around a toilet all day then? She says no not with that brand, but I know I'll try it on a weekend first just to be on the safe side.

I did ask her about my hair. Which she said looked beautiful I might add. :) She said keep a log of protein and food and if I actually am getting 60 grams of protein a day and it is still falling out to make an appointment with the nutritionist. She also added it could be due to protein or just the surgery, or lack of b12 or biotin.

And with that I was off, for my 24 hours of soft foods. Mostly I do shakes and tuna. Yesterday I was back on solids again. I can say I do have restriction. I mean I can feel it going down and a tightness I never had before. I had 1/4 of a salad from Texas road house Friday night and could eat no more. Saturday I had another 1/4 of the salad and once again was done. I am hoping this is the last fill I will need for a while. I just need to lose 6 pounds and I will be in the 100's.

Endorphins? Never heard of them.

So I am counting down the days till school ends. Every summer I say I am going to lose the weight and come back cute. And every year I come back heavier than when I left. But this year, is the first year I know that won't be the case. Being banded up is finally going to keep me from flagging down the ice cream truck and on the straight and narrow. I know I'll be able to exercise in the morning and not be exhausted when I come home from work.
Hopefully I will get into loving exercise which people are always talking about and be able to continue consistently during the school year. You know what I mean, those people who say " Oh I can't go a day without exercising" Or "you just feel so much better after you run a few miles"
I still am tired after I work out, and could go weeks without thinking about digging my action bra out of the drawer.

I am still in search of a bike with a big seat to accommodate my big butt on craigslist or at a yard sale. I refuse to pay full price for a bike until I know I can 1) actually ride it and 2)ride it often.
Three years ago I sold a bike I had carried around from house to house spouting to my husband "but I'll ride it at the new house because there is room in the garage, and I won't need to bring it up from the basement" Or " I'll ride it this time because the streets are wide enough" Only to have it collect dust for a few more years.

One more day till my next fill. I don't know why I am so excited. Maybe the thought of getting closer to 50 pounds!

Hair one day, gone tomorrow

Why is this woman posting a picture of her sink you ask? Well I am trying to show the amount of hair that falls in my sink while I am blowing my hair dry these days. I guess it has been about 6 weeks or so that this has been happening. This doesn't count the hair on the floor or in the shower and it is quite alarming. I wash my hair every other day now and switched shampoos to see if that would give me a little more volume.
Now I am no baldy but I can tell my hair is thinning in the front. I sure no one else has noticed but this does seem like a bit of hair coming out every other day.

I have read some posts that hair loss is due to lack of protein. Since I have noticed my hair coming out I have been very good at making sure I am getting about 60 grams of protein a day which is what my doctor said to do. I also take vitamin D, and adult vitamins daily. I need to start taking the Caltrate I bought right after surgery, although I don't think it will do anything.
I have also read that losing your hair has nothing to do with protein but more to do with the surgery people experience 3-6 months earlier.
Either way its happening and I hope it doesn't last much longer.

In other news the scale is standing still at 207. I go for my next fill on Thursday.

So this is what skinny people eat?

So here it is a bag of nuts and berries as I call it. It has 7 grams of protein for a 1/4 cup serving. Now I must tell you my experience with this lovely treat. The first day I had these I almost spit them out. It reminded me a bit of eating gravel, lots of chewing and not making much headway. I complained to my friends as I ate the handful I poured out into my hand. There are almonds, popcorn kernels, and some dried cranberries it in. But I was hungry and I wanted a healthy snack so I ate it.
The next day I went in my cabinet and poured out my handful and surprisingly it actually wasn't as bad. Maybe I was hungrier, maybe I remembered what a popcorn kernel tasted like and it wasn't as shocking but I actually liked it.
Now it has been a week of my eating this twigs and berry mixture and I actually love them. So I guess it goes to show you, your tastes do change.
Now if I could only get into Greek yogurt.

today was a pretty good day!

Well although the scale hasn't moved in a few days I did have a few non scale victories.
First I put on my medical id bracelet that I bought in January and it actually clasped. Why is this a victory you ask? Well because when I ordered it I was too lazy to find the tape measurer so I guessed on my wrist size. And I guessed about 2 inches too small. So for the last 4 months I have been living life on the edge hoping I wouldn't get in an accident and have my lapband destroyed by a chest tube. Yes, these are the things that go through my mind.
So I wore a bracelet today probably the first one I have worn since my teens. I mean when you have fat wrists bracelts don't look too feminine.

Second I fit into a pair of khakis that I haven't fit in at least 6 years. Good thing khakis don't go out of style! I told my husband there was a reason I kept all my clothes because one day I might fit them. Well today was that day.

When I came home I did a little Wii workout. I don't mean to brag but I could probably beat Venus or Serena in Wii tennis. Yea, I am just that good. :)

Went to Taco Bell for dinner and had 1 taco and 1 biscuit and some chips with dips. Now, I know that was not exactly on the fresco meal plan but for me going to taco bell and not ordering 3 tacos, a chalupa, chips and dips and an order a twists for desert is a special day.

Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down.

Just like the song says I was down today. Not really depressed, but major stress, and so what did I do? You guessed it eat. I had a great shake for breakfast, decided to have grilled cheese for lunch and a protein bar instead of the weight watcher meatloaf I packed. Then I had a 6 inch subway chicken sub for dinner. And about 5 minutes after dinner I decided to finish off the slice of pizza I saw in the fridge when I went to get the crystal light. I didn't eat the crust but does it really matter?
Then I figured my kids couldn't possibly finish all of their smores goldfish so I helped them do that. It's pretty bad when your 2 year old says " No more mommy" So I moved on to the rice krispy treat.

Finally I realized I needed to get out kitchen and get on the treadmill. After 32 minutes I was done and feeling better about being done my binge. While sweating my butt off I saw from the calendar I taped on the top of the treadmill I haven't been on it since March 15th. I guess I put off exercise as long as possible. I figured if I was losing weight why bother, but I think getting on it might keep me from eating too much. I don't know if my endorphins are soaring now but at least I feel productive.

Now I think the food caught up with me and I feel like I swallowed a sock. Like I said I really don't have restriction as I am eating, I only feel it much later almost too late.

Having the band has really made me look at and make more changes to why I eat. I don't eat when I am bored anymore, but obviously eating when I am stressed is still something I need to work on. I am also working on not eating in the car. I mean I remember one day i bought 50 donut holes. When I got home there were 10. So for all of you non math majors out there that means I ate 40 in a 10 minute ride back to my house. That is what you call mindless eating.

Baby steps is how I am taking my new banded life. I have a bad eating episode which makes me remember how far I have come, and then in the same thought how far I still have to go.

What has happened so far?

Well I was banded in December over Christmas break. Yes that means I had nothing but broth for my Christmas dinner but at least I had some time to heal.
During the first 5 days it was pretty painful. Lots of pressure in my upper chest, almost near my shoulder. I can only describe it as an elephant standing on me. I read up on how to relieve the 'gas pains' which was walking and gasx. When I took those strips which tasted nothing like the cinnamon trident I was hoping for, for days with no relief. I did so many laps around my dining room table I think I made a track in the floor. But on day 5 I felt relief and then I was ready to start my less painful journey.

So far I have had 5 fills and am at 7 cc's. I really don't feel like I have any restriction. Each time I go in for a fill, my doctor asks me can I eat bread. And my answer is always, "yep" Then she asks, "Can you eat chicken?" And the answer is yes! So she shoots me up with another cc and I go home to see if things will change.

No PBing as people talk about, no sliming as I have heard so many stories about.

Why no pictures you may ask, well I guess I am not out yet. I told 3 of my colleagues at work, and three of my friends outside of work. I think I just have to get comfortable with it first before I out myself. I am worried about what people might think, and talk about how lazy I am.
For right now when people ask me how I am doing it I just say eating less and making better food choices. Which is true. I just neglect the part about if I tried to eat a bowl of rice I would probably explode due to constriction.