working out

on day four of the kettle bell work out and boy am I sore.  I am eating more.  Today I finally ate my cheese fries. 

small changes

 drinking more water -check
did a kettle bell work out - check
legs burning - check
eating more protein- check
had breakfast for the first time in 9 months - check
stomach rumbling -check

trying to lose the two pounds I gained in the last week - check

Things I haven't learned

It's been over three years since my surgery and you would think i would have learned a few things about eating, but I haven't.  I talked to two of my friends who have had the band and they both said they control their eating not the band.  They don't feel restriction but rather they stop eating when they feel they have had enough.  I am not there yet, in fact if I am not there yet after three years will I ever be there?
Will I ever stop thinking about cheese fries at random times of the day?
Will I ever not open the refrigerator and look for things that might be tasty?
Will I ever not want to have a bag of chips just to make my day a little more special?
I don't think so, I'm 40. 
So these past few days have been hard.  Not having restriction is tough.  I have had to talk to myself and convince myself I don't need cheese fries.  I have repeated over and over again to myself that I don't need to check the refrigerator, or have one last cookie. 
Today I gave 2 boxes of break and bake cookies to my neighbor.  I had to get them out of the house.  In the past 2 days I have had at least 10.  And they weren't even that good. 
Yesterday I drank my 20 oz coffee in about 15 minutes, usually it takes me just about an hour and 15 minutes to drink that amount and I would gurgle the whole time.  So it is nice. I have been drinking water too. 
Tomorrow I will get on the scale, I got on today and it was 174 a pound more than when I got the unfill but I was partly blaming that on me being on the last day of my period.  Hoping tomorrow it will be back down and not up.  But it very well could go either way. 
Did i say this is hard?

this is tough

For the past year or so I have just woken up had a cup of coffee and not had any desire to eat,munch or snack until around noon.  Not so this past few days.  I had my coffee and by 9:30 I'm actually hungry, something that I have not felt in a long time.  I started bringing bananas and having one around 10.  Then I have had a salad or one day I had a lean cuisine for lunch.  (something I would never have been able to get down before)
Then when I walk in the house door I am famished.  Luckily I have no chips in the house.  For dinner this week I have had pizza, hamburger helper, and last night we went to burger king.  I ate a whole thing of onion rings, an entire chicken sandwich minus half the bread and of course I had to try their molten lava bites.  Oh my this is terrible. 
No restriction, no spitting, no throwing up, no pressure,nothing. 
But it is nice to be able to drink more and sleep on my stomach! 
I have got to figure out how I can handle this change in me so I don't go crazy and gain ten pounds.
Today I had to say to myself about ten times, just get out of the kitchen, get out of the kitchen. 

reflection pics

me a few weeks before surgery 256 pounds

                                                         



Since everyone likes pictures here are a few to compare.  80 pound weight loss, wish it were 100 but I am happy with where I am.  If I could get some free plastic surgery to cut out excess skin I could wear a much smaller size.  I still wear a 16. 



                                                                                                                       me last summer about 180

Hungry? Oh yea

After looking back at my posts I realized it had been almost a year since I had that fill that set me over the top.  I just can't get over how much that one ml he took out has changed me.  First there has been no gurgling.  I mean none.  So refreshing not to be sitting in a meeting and wondering if everyone is listening to me.
Second I can sleep on one pillow again and on my stomach.  Let the dreams begin.
Third I can drink so much more.  I have had milk, coffee, crystal light and oops can I admit to this some diet dr pepper. MMMM.
Now the downside.  I experienced hunger for the first time in probably a year.  Hunger to a food addict is a bad thing.  A really bad thing.  Good thing I didn't have any chips in the house.  Good thing I have no money to buy any food.  Good thing I am not in the classroom so I didn't eat any Valentines Day goodies leftover from the party.  But I did get a cupcake from a student that I ate with no restriction what so ever.  I also had my normal salad, 3 small slices of frozen pizza, and a large bowl of popcorn.  I think I had two peices of chocolate as well.  Not terrible, like I said i was hungry today. 
For the past 2 weeks I have been doing about 10 - 15 minutes of hard core Just Dance.  I mean keep your bra on, wipe your brow, get a drink of water dance.  Hoping it will help me lose a few or at least negate the extra calories I might be intaking.

unfill

me and hubby earlier this summer.

I finally went to the DR!!  It was the first time I saw my surgeon since my surgery 3 years ago.  Every time since then I have always seen the nurse practitioner.  I felt the need to thank him for giving me my life back.  He of course had no recollection of who I was but was nice about it.  He listened as I told him I needed an unfill.  When he asked why I said it was because I make way too many noises.  As I sat waiting for him and during the entire appt I made my gurgling noises.  It had been 2 hours since I drank anything.  But I did have a mint so maybe that is what made the noises start again? 

I also told him that I threw up the night before when I ate 4 bites of spaghetti.  I was so worried about him being mad at me for waiting to come in for an unfill as I told him it had been at least 6 months since I was feeling this tight.  When I told him part of the reason it took me so long to come in was due to my fear of gaining weight back he just nodded and agreed. I guess i am not the first person with that fear.  His response was, "Well you can stay tight and then gain weight because all you will do is drink and eat bad food"  I also told him I threw up a few times in my sleep.  Then he said well you need to come back in two weeks to make sure you are ok. 

He proceeded to take out 1 ml out of my band very quickly, just a little pinch.  This is the first time I ever had anything taken out of my band so I am used to two shots.  One to numb and one to fill.  Immediately the gurgling stopped, immediately.  It was amazing.  And then of course my first thought was cheese fries. I could really go for some cheese fries.  I didn't though.  I came home made some turkey with pasta and ate probably 2 large spoon fills.  Way more than I would have been able to eat before.  Followed by 2 cookies, and 3 handfuls of chips.  Pitiful I know, I am blaming it on me not eating enough today, and being on my period, and sort of trying the new band out for size. 

The goal tomorrow is to just drink drink drink.  I have not gotten down my liquids in probably8 months and I am hoping tomorrow I can drink what I need to so I don't feel hungry.  Oh that was something else.  At the doctors you had to fill out a questionnaire asking when you normally felt hungry and i realized I never felt hungry.  Head hungry yes, but physically hungry never.  I hope that doesn't change.  The questionnaire also asked how many times you ate chicken, fish, eggs, fried foods, noodles, rice, veggies, fruits, etc.  It made you really think about how badly I eat.

One other thing I am hoping this changes is the ability to lay down on one pillow instead of two and sleep on my stomach.  I can't wait for that to happen, I have slept on my side for way too long.

Guess that is it for today.  Excited about the possibilites of no longer making embarrasing noises all day!