It's been a year!

That is right it has been an official year since i got my surgery. I look back now and say wow has it really been that long? I feel like I amstill trying to work it all out. Still trying to figure out my boundaries, foods I can and can't eat, figuring out how to get all my protein in, figuring out how to get my water in. But I guess I have gotten some things down since I was able to lose 70 pounds this year. Here are a few things I have learned
1. I could never have lost this amount of weight without the band
2. I can drink before a meal but not after or during
3. I need time for my food to settle before I can lay down
4. I can drive past a fast food place without stopping and survive
5. I don't need french fries at every meal
6. It still takes work to make the right decisions each and every day.
7. Listen to the sounds and clues your body gives you before you take the next bite
8. It is ok to leave some things on my plate
9. I still can't say no to cookies and just can't have them in the house
10. I am and always will be addicted to food.

That last one is hard for me, you think oh I got this thing now I just don't have to eat as much. But is so much more than that. I still think about food a lot, and could tell you everything in my cubbard without opening it. There are foods that if I eat one will lead me to eat 10 and I will eat every last one even if it makes me really sick and eventually throw up. I still salivate over commercials and sometimes buy food I know I can't eat but I want to try just to see. I can not be in the same room with a bag of cheetos. It just won't be pretty.

Over this past year, actually just these last few months I have come to feel ok with myself. I mean I will get my picture taken and not hide behind someone to cover me. I can walk in a room and not feel self consious. I feel like most days I look pretty good, rolls and all. Even though according to the BMI scale I am still overweight I think I look normal now.

Hoping to get some before and after pictures up here soon.

Merry Christmas everyone!

Need some variety

I have been following the World according to Egg face and she seems like she has it all figured out. Different ideas for food and all kinds of protein drinks. I sometimes feel like I am just eating lots of the same foods and then resorting back to my old habits when I get bored.
My normal day = protein coffee for breakfast
no snacks before lunch
salad with chicken for lunch or a frozen lite meal
protein bar as snack
dinner whatever I make- tonight was franks and beans (I know terrible but I didn't take the chicken out)
munching till I go to bed -tonight I had some left over birthday cake

SO.... I ordered a variety pack of the Tornio sugar free syrups in hopes of making some new shakes or coffees that i will enjoy and get back to basics. Tonight I literally ate 30 chips, now I know they were baked but still what a way to consume 300 calories in 10 minutes.
I have been trying not to buy things like that because I know I have no will power. But we had my 3 year olds birthday party this weekend and of course there are left overs.
Then this Friday my teenager is throwing a surprise party for her friend, which means once again junk food in the house.

I used a straw

I was dying of thirst and decided to buy a strawberry lemonade from Aunt Annies. Of course I didn't get a pretzel I knew that would be deadly. But I did use the straw. I have in the past and it really didn't make a difference, and they are so fun to drink out of.
Well I had a few sips, and then a few more and was feeling good. I was out in the car doing some christmas shopping and just enjoying a night out with no kids or husband holding me back drinking my lovely lemonade. When all of a sudden I got the feeling. I was like ooh I got to spit. I dug out some napkins out the glove box and just spit for a few minutes. I knew I couldn't get sick from it since I hadn't eaten anything in like two hours. Well I was mistaken. After a few red lights, I burped but it was so not a burp. I threw up all over myself in the car. I tried to catch most of it in a napkin but was unsuccessful. I spent the next few minutes trying to wipe it off my coat and luckily it was water repellent as I still had to go to AC Moore.
All through the store I was hoping I didn't miss a spot. I know gross but how often do I have the opportunity to shop without kids? Never.
What I learned is that straws are now off limits for me.

Make that 3!

I finished my last 5k of the year. I said I was going to do it and I did. I also improved my time from last week. I ran it in 43 minutes. Even though I was still the last runner to finish I don't care I did my best, beat my record and felt great. Also I think my butt is getting smaller due to the running.

I wouldn't mind doing a 5k every weekend if they didn't cost so dag on much!

Here is a pic of me before the race, and it was cold 32 degrees.

I'm the big one in the middle, my good friend from school who is an avid runner is on the left and my husband is on the right. He decided at the last minute to run it and completed it in 36 minutes. Mind you the man has not run or jogged in 4 years and still beats me. But he is sore and complaining about his knees all the time. Me on the other hand feels no pain .

I am one slow runner

So in January of this year I did my new years resolutions/goals. They were to lose 75 pounds and do 3 5k's. Well I obviously am not going to hit the 75 mark in the next month but I wanted to at least do the 5k part of it.
Two weeks ago I drove to a 5k by myself and was determined to finish. I looked around and saw a really old man, a lady pushing a stroller and like a 8 year old kid. I figured I could easily beat them. WRONG. I was the official last person to finish the race. I did it in 46 minutes which I was proud of. I thought if i finish in less than 50 minutes I will call it a victory. I felt pretty good. When I went over the finish line I cried. I just couldn't believe I did it. Now I won't talk about the way they were picking up the cones after I passed them since I was so slow. Or how some people finished the 5k turned around and did it again- still beating me.

Fast forward two weeks and my next 5k. I figured if I could cut my time down by a minute I would be happy. What I hadn't planned on is how frustrating it is when everyone even people doing the 5k walk pass you. I started off with a 77 year old man who I knew was going to walk. I foolishly thought if I can just keep up with this guy I'll be good. Well when they blew the whistle he was gone! I mean like gone! Bad strategy I thought let me find someone in a wheelchair or something.

I don't have the official results but I know I was last again in the runners, and probably only ahead of 1 or 2 of the 5k walkers. Just sad that my run/walk is slower than most peoples regular walk.

I am supposed to do another 5k next weekend. Right now I am really not feeling it. I mean being last 3 times in a row really is sort of defeating.

In other news I got a fill on Wednesday right before Thanksgiving. I had to, otherwise I would have to wait another month when I had off. And I was eating like crazy, I ate a muffin, and 1/2 cheesteak with a roll with no problem. I gained some weight back and I refused to gain anymore especially over the upcoming holidays.

This fill seems to be doing the trick at least for now. Lots of gurgling so I know to stop before I eat too much. It has stopped me in my tracks from going to eat another bite or grabbing a cookie on the way out the door.

Hoping this sensation lasts for a long time and I can lose more than I have in the last few months which is like only 3 pounds.

guess I have rambled a bit too much.

halloween is not a good holiday

I used to love Halloween. I would buy all my candy a few weeks before the Halloween only to eat them all before the 31st and then having to go back out and buy more for the actual trick or treaters. Then of course all of the wonderful leftovers to sanck on throughout the day and night. Some years I would just buy tootsie rolls thinking that would be a healthier candy but eating them by the handful probably not.

This year I didn't buy the candy till the day of to avoid snacking and I bought a candy I don't love. The kids however got tons of candy and they are in my thoughts all the time. I haven't gone crazy just a few at lunch and one when i came home. How I was able to lose 2 pounds I don't know. Maybe it is becuase I am not eating that much otherwise. I took 3 bites of a chickensalad wrap from Chickfilla and rushed to the toilet to throw up. But man was it good before it came back up.

I am just so excited to step on the scale and see 189. I mean call up Cyndi Lauper I am in the 80's!!!! I don't think I have seen the 80's since the early 90's. I just am thrilled.

I was Thanksgiving around the corner and how different it will be this year. I normally live for thanksgiving but this year half the stuff I normally eat, i won't be able to get it down.

Forgive me for I have sinned.

I had a bad two days. It started out with me buying some snacks and soda for a few friends that were coming over. I mean you can't expect them to drink boring water just because of you.
I made some pumpkin cookies and those pillsbury ghost cookies,as well as a few dips and a veggie tray.
All was going well until the guests left and then I just went crazy. I had 2 cookies and a diet cherry coke. Oh my lord was it good.
For breakfast all of the cookies were not gone so I finished them up and yes it was about 8 that I ate to clean the plate. A little later I had a few pumpkin cookies and some more soda. For lunch I ate some tortilla chips and dip, now the chips were baked although i think the more you eat of them the less effective they are at being low fat.
Well today I threw away the rest of the pumpkin cookies and the dip for the chips.
I still have some diet cherry coke left and chances are I'll drink it tonight.
I could blame this on having my Aunt Flow for a visit, or having good food in the house for the first time since the surgery but I think it just boils down to keeping my mouth closed.
As I said before I know I am a food addict and it got me to thinking about drug addicts. Do drug addicts have a higher success of quitting then overweight people have of keeping weight off?
I am not saying that it would be easier to stop doing drugs, but I think that at least with drugs once you keep them out of your house you never have to see them again. With food no matter what you do it will always be there. Driving down the street, vending machines, friends, co-workers, birthday cakes, the temptation is always there.
Just wondering if anyone else ever thought about it.

a few things I've noticed

I can't eat what I normally would like to, I can't order what I want when I pull through the local fast food restaurants, I don't enjoy food as much as I did which at some times I sort of miss since so much of my life revolved around food before the band.

However I was thinking of how things have changed for the better.
For the first time in probably 10 years my husband can put his arms all the way around me.
For the first time in probably 15 years he just out of the blue gives me a compliment.
I can tie my shoes without having to open my legs to give room for my stomach.
I can jog up the stairs and not be out of breath.
I can fit in a car and not have to move the seat down to fit my legs under the steering wheel.
I can shop on the regular side of Cato.
I get compliments from my co-workers for the first time ever.
Men hold doors open for me when I go into a store. No lie they would just walk in front of me and close them before.

Now with all that being said I still am a big girl. I am still just a few pounds away from 200 and in the obese catagory. I still have what seems like a lot of weight to lose since it is coming off so slowly now. But I think of how far I have come and how much I appreciate the changes in my life and sometimes it makes the longing for bellying up to a buffet just a little bit easier to take.

Donuts really don't do anything for me

As my name is Donut Diva you can tell I have a love affair with them. I used to buy a dozen glazed donuts from Walmart eat a few for breakfast then come home and heat them up for a few seconds in the microwave for an afternoon snack. Man was that good. Then of course I can't tell you how many times a week I would go to Dunkin Donuts and get a #1. One glazed, one chocolate frosted, an xl coffee with extra cream and extra sugar.
Well I haven't done that in close to a year. But today I didn't have my protein coffee and we were going to a pumpkin patch. So I decided why not get one glazed donut just for old times sake.
I got a nice cup of decaf with splenda and when I was finished got right into the tasty gooey morsel I was going to call breakfast. Well three bites in and I was done. I mean call the paramedics I am having chest pain. I told my husband get a bag ready because I might need to spit. No spitting but at least 10 minutes of chest pain.
So my breakfast was coffee and 3 bites of donut. Now a few hours later and I am feeling hungry. Nothing at the pumpkin patch I could eat. First time I went without buying funnel cake or fries, and on the way home the only thing I saw was a sub shop. I refuse to have any more tuna or salads this week. But what did I find in the carseat next to me? Well the rest of my donut just laying there so inviting. And so the saga continues. I ate three more bites and back again to the chest pain. I'll admit it, I have no will power. If there is something in the house that I like I feel the need to revisit it all night until I have had several bites or servings. Having a donut even when it causes me pain in my presence just is too much for me. Thank God for the band, without it I would never be able to turn down donuts or any other type of food.
What did I learn? As much as I love them, it really isn't worth the pain. Hopfully the scale won't move in the wrong direction because of my bad judgements this week.
I also had a bag of m&m's on Tuesday. I used to have one a day at my break. I passed on the cake that was sitting in the teacher's lounge, and the box of munchkins there on Wednesday.

hard to get the water down

I know I need to up my water intake. I have tried like 17 different cups, mugs and huge kegs to keep it in. The best one that keeps it cold all day is the bubba keg, but it doesn't fit in the car cup holders. Try driving with that big thing in between your legs. Ok don't try it I'll give you a glimpse into what you will experience- cold thighs, difficulty turning the steering wheel, and an uncomfortable ride. Then you decide you should put it on the seat next to you, but as soon as you put on the brakes or make a turn it falls off the seat and spills everywhere.

Then I got various plastic kinds but they sweat so much it gets everything around them wet. So then I just brought bottles of water but I end up only drinking one since i never get to the refrigerator to get the second one I brought. Oh the drama of getting all your water in. It was so much easier when I just went to the soda machine and bought a cold diet coke. Just the thought of a diet coke makes me sigh. I miss them so much. It has been one whole year since I had one, if you don't count the one I bought about a month ago at Sonic. But that was a fluke I just had to have one and I was there, and it was half price, and I swear the man at the drive thru knew how much I wanted one and suggestively sold it to me. But it was good. And I still miss them.

Speaking of refrigerators, I remembered that I left my half of a Subway salad at school over the long weekend. That just sucks. I mean I would have had it for dinner last night or lunch today if I would have brought it home. I hate when I do that.

What do you use to drink your 8 glasses a day?

A few things not to do when you have restriction

Thought I should review a few things you shouldn't do when you have restriction
1. eat a lukewarm or cold mozzarella stick
2. drink a swig of milk to wash down a cookie
3. have a normal size piece of cake even if it is your birthday
4. have macaroni and cheese
5. try and eat a toasted sub from subway
6. eat any kind of bread
7. have a donut hole
8. eat a piece of your kids pancake
9. eat fast or at your regular speed before the band
10. go back for seconds

All of the above are things that I have done within the last month and have all caused me to throw up or spit like a camel. I even threw up in the car. Word from the wise : the Subway bag that the cookies come in does not hold throw up quite well.

Fill her up!

I got a .20 cc fill today. I am on liquids for 2 days then soft foods for one. Fills if you haven't had one really don't hurt except a pinch and a sting when they put the numbing needle in. Today I think she had a harder time finding the port, since she was pushing a lot. I would have thought that it would be easier since I am thinner now and less flab to go through.
I told her just top me off, I have some restriction sometimes and other times like none. I mentioned I threw up a few times and so instead of .25 she was going to give me she bumped it down to .20. We'll see how it goes. She said "see you back in three months?" Hopefully this will keep me filled longer than that.

I lost 9 pounds since my last visit with them in July. She said that was great, where as I thought it was too little.

Hair loss was something else I mentioned to her. She suggested adding Zinc to my list of vitamins. In addition to my normal vitamin, and Biotin, I will be popping a Zinc. She said I can go to 90 grams of protein a day as long as I didn't have kidney problems. I think I am going to stay at 80 for a while since I just really uppped it last week.

The good thing about a fill is I know the scale will go down after 2 days from just doing liquids.

I also went to zumba last night for the first time. Let's just say if the judges from Dancing with the Stars were there I would have gotten 0's and been voted off. I realized I have absolutely no rhythm and hope no one was secretly taping it to bribe me on youtube at a later date. I did sweat so that was a plus. Tonight I am going to another Zumba class with another instructor so I can compare and contrast the two. Me trying to work out at home on my own, after a full day of work is just not happening. Getting out of the house is probably what I need to do, in order to get a work out in.

peppers were tasty

Last night I made stuffed peppers that were full of protein. I put onions, peppers and chopped up some turkey sausage. Fried them all up in a pan, added some fat free ricotta cheese and some spaghetti sauce. I also threw in some chopped up turkey peperoni. Baked those suckers for like 20 minutes with some more sauce on top. Lovely people, just lovely. My hubby even ate them.
But in other news I am eating hand over fist. I need to get a fill bad to slap some sense back into me. I get so busy at work I totally forget to call and then when school is out they are closed. I gotta put a reminder in my calendar at lunch so I don't forget tomorrow. The only day you can schedule an appointment is on Thursdays otherwise I have to drive an hour to get to the office that is open every day of the week. And that is just entirely too long of a drive.

How is it possible?

I think I need a fill. Yesterday I ate an entire salad from Subway along with 1/2 an eggroll and 2 crab rangoons. Yes, it is still much better than my old trip to chinese where I would have had a pint of wonton soup, 5 crab rangoons, an egg roll, and an order of sweet and sour chicken and probably half of my daughters french fries. Becuase you know they have the best fries in the world.
But my point is how can I eat all that, when other times I eat two bites of something and end up with sharp pain from restriction.
I had some ice cream the other day from McDonalds. I read on someones blog that the cone is only 150 calories so I get 1 a week now. But anyway I was eating it and half way through I had to stop, get some napkins and proceed to spit for like 5 minutes. I was in so much pain and so uncomfortable and the spitting is never fun. But as soon as I burped what did I do? Finished my ice cream of course.

So in conclusion i think I need a fill. Although the scale has moved it really isn't moving fast maybe a pound a week the last two weeks. I think I'll call this week and see if they can fit me in, the problem is though I have to leave work early to make the appointment and I hate asking for time off. I just hate it. But I hate being stuck at this weight and size even more.

totally off subject

I know this is off subject but I am desperate for help. I teach 2nd grade and am in desperate need of a listening center for the kids to use daily.
There is a program from sonic which if you get enough votes for your project they will pay for. Right now I have 49 people who voted for me, I need like at least 300. The good news is you can vote everyday. The bad news is most people forget.
so can if at all possible help a fellow bandster, and a hard working teacher get this for the kids.
I would so appreciate it. Tell your friends, enemies and anyone that has an email address.

Just click on the cute little button, and I think it will take you right to my spot. If not select location, click on Delaware and click on Mrs. P listening center.