Size 12

Yep that's it I said it.  I can fit a size 12 dress!  I have not worn that size since 9th grade.  Even though I have weighed less than 170 as an adult I never had a flat stomach which meant always going up to a 14. 
I tried on all my t-shirts today and they just hang on me and don't show my new figure at all.  Which means only one thing.  SHOPPING.  Kohls, and JC Penny here I come.  I bought 5 dresses, 3 t-shirts, and a  pocket book.  I probably would have bought more if my 7 year old wasn't begging me to leave every three seconds.  Now I need shoes.  I have no shoes that match any of the dresses.  My old wardrobe consisted of khakis or other pants and slip on loafers.  Loafers and dresses are really not a good look on anyone. 
I didn't try on any pants since I really am not supposed to be wearing anything around my waist just yet.  The compression garment is still a pain to get on and wear but I do feel better when I wear it. 

Last week I went in to the ob and she said I have another 2 more weeks before I get the green light on you know what.  She described the what if I just try it out possibility.  'your uterus is underneath your bowel.  now that is gone.  So you will be admitted into the ER because your bowel is now coming out, which will mean they will make a vertical incision from your breast bone down to your groin to remove your bowel.  They will then flush it out and put it back inside you.  Hopefully you will not die from the infection.' 
After that description of what could happen I decided I will just keep everything locked up down there from my husband for another two weeks.  The doctor suggested I tell my husband to sleep on the sofa if he gets tempted to try anything.

Still can't wait to wear underwear that matches my bra.  I got nothing on underneath the compression garment.  And some afternoons when I come home I just go commando. 

I'm still here and healing

Ok my computer died.  I mean bit the big one.  I sent it over to my friend who fixes computers and he said the hard drive is bad and it would cost more to fix it then it would be to buy a new one.  Since it is 6 or 7 years old he said I should feel good since most computers only last at most 5 years.

That is why my friends I have not posted in forever. 

After 4 months I can
   - walk well, not hunched over at all
    - not sleep with a pillow under my legs (just took it out last night)
   - sleep on either of my sides
   -  feel my hip bones.  I literally asked my husband, "do you think this hard thing is my hip bone?  Because I have never been able to actually feel my bones due to my large roll." 
    - be out and around for about 8 hours until I need to put my feet up


Things that still give me trouble 
   - Driving.  Not fun at all.  It is just uncomfortable any way you try and sit.
  - Bending like if I want to tie shoes someone else is going to need to do it
  - getting in and out of bed
   - raising hands above my head

My scar is no longer scabby, but it is a dark red.  My two drain spots on my uh feminine area are still noticeable also. 

I hate my compression garment but hate it also when I don't wear it because my thighs hurt with each step.  It is sweaty and tight.  And since I can't wear underwear yet, you have to wash it very often since it is all up in there if you know what I mean.  did I tell you it has to be washed by hand!  It's 2013 who washes things by hand.  Well I tried to put one of them in the washer and it ripped right in half.  In half!  Which means the label was correct when it said wash by hand. 

Now that I am using my daughter's computer that she no longer wants I should be able to get pictures uploaded soon. 

love my new stomach

Well I did it!  It has been two weeks since my tummy tuck and let me tell you I love my new belly.  I know you want pics so I will upload them as soon as I find the cord.  I am probably one of the only people in America who does not have a smart phone.  So I can't just take a pic and send it to my computer I still  need the cords to upload. 

The doctor weighed my fat roll and said it was 2.5 pounds more than he thought.  Even though he said it was only 2.5 pounds it looks like I lost 20.  Now I am still very swollen and you can't tell I had any fat sucked out of my thighs whatsoever, but just not having that belly roll makes  a ton of difference. 

Here are some things that I have found out since my tummy tuck.
1. do not sneeze.  even if you try and hold it in, and squeeze your stomach it hurts.
2. do not cough same issues as #1
3. try not to laugh
4. pooping hurts too.  I had to call on Jesus in the bathroom to get me through my first and second poop after surgery.  In case you didn't know, you use all your abdominal muscles to poop.
5. sleeping is not fun when you can't lay on your stomach or your side
6.  I can't stop looking at my scars and my new belly button. 

I can walk around now and drive although getting in and out of the car is painful.  I normally can stand or walk around the house for like an hour before I need to sit down on the couch and put my feet up.  I can only explain the pain as feeling as someone is trying to pull my stomach apart by holding on the skin.  It is just sore and a yanking pain. 

Today I got fitted for a compression garment.  As my 19 year old daughter said when she saw me in it, "you look like you are in the 1800's"  I do not like it.  The garment needs to be worn inside out so that none of the seems are on your new stomach and thighs or they will leave a permanent imprint on your body.  It is hot.  It is tight.  And I can't wear any underwear it either.  So basically I am in this tight thing with nothing out but my 'cooch', if you know what I mean.  It is a very weird, uncomfortable feeling.  I can't wear underwear again because they don't want any seams making a long lasting imprint on me.  Did I mention I don't like it?

They want me to wear it all day, then change into a different one at night.  I said, "Uh I sweat at night and there is no way I am sleeping in that with the amount of sweat that comes out of me nightly."  The nurse said I could do what I wanted but my healing would be faster if I slept in one.  Needless to say I will be sleeping in my cute pajamas that make me look very thin. 

1 day till my tummy is tucked

Well I went to go get myself all marked up on Friday.  I was ready to do it, had my pretty panties on and everything.  But I got there and they said he was in surgery.  "Didn't I have a 3:00 appt?"  "Yes but his surgery is now.  I will check to see if he can still mark you today."

About 5 minutes later I go to another room and the Dr. comes in.  He says, "How about I just do it before the surgery on Tuesday?  You come to my office at 5:45 then go right to the hospital."

Ok, sounds like a plan.  Now I don't have to be all marked up for four days.  My only question was what happens if the hospital says I need to be at the hospital at 5:30?  He assured me all they do is tell you to come in early, hurry up, and then wait.  Mostly to make sure you aren't eating anything.  This is what he said would happen.
1. come to his office to get marked up 5:30
2. get to the hospital 6:15  (hospital is close to his office)
3. register
4. get de-robed and get an iv started.
5. talk to anesthesiologist
6. talk to my OB/GYN
7. go to the OR
8. go to sleep while they prep my body 8:00
9. Dr. starts hysterectomy 8:30
10. Finishes hysterectomy but doesn't close me up 9:30
11. Plastic surgeon starts reconstructing my belly
12. Lipo of outer thighs
13. Finishes surgery 2:30
14 I wake up quite sore and am groggy for the rest of the day will sleep most of day and night

That is it in a nutshell.  People have asked me if I am scared, no I'm not.  I know God is going to take care of me and he put me in the hands of these doctors for a reason.  I am not really worried about recovery too much either.  Yes I know it is going to hurt like hell but I watched so many people on youtube with their blogs that I think it eased my fears a bit. 

To be honest I am more concerned about how my lady parts are going to look under those bright lights.  I wanted to get another wax before I went in but that's 50 bucks and just a bit more than I want to spend.  So I did a little trim and shave and wonder if they will shave it all off when I get in the OR anyway.  I remember when I had my band put in they shaved my stomach.  Now I didn't think I had a hairy stomach but it was a little embarrassing.  I mean do it when I am asleep you know.  And that is the reason I am wondering will they trim while I am awake, or asleep, or at all.  My daughter says, don't worry about it mom you know there are a lot of people who had to look worse than you.  I guess that is a way to look at it. 

Till tomorrow my blog friends.  I'll be sure to take pictures and post as soon as I can.  I really want him to take a picture of all my fat he takes off.

looky here

here is a pic from right before my surgery and from a few weeks ago at a 5k I did. 

This of course was before the run.  After the run a was a little sweaty. 
Did I tell you I love my band! 3 1/2 years later and I look at this picture and realize I couldn't look normal like this without it. 
I got weighed today at the Dr's 176.  I'll take it.
Hopefully after the plastic surgery I'll be down to 166.

I'm shedding

Yes my hair is coming out more than I would like to admit, probably been going on for two months now.  Not in clumps but after I dry my hair there is quite a bit in the sink and on the floor.  Then it seems like I always have a hair or two on my shirt.  So I figured it was because i haven't been doing really well with my protein. 

The past few weeks I have put a protein shake back in my daily, or every other day routine.  I try and have a slice or two of turkey, no bread of course.  And for a week when I had leftover chicken made on the grill I would eat that as a snack a few times a day.  (so much better for me anyway)
I also increased my biotin to twice a day instead of just once.  I am hoping this will help.  I do see sprouts of hair coming in where the old has fallen out, but even my hairdresser commented on the amount I lost in the sink during my last cut. 

With the increased protein I would have hoped to shed a few pounds too but no such luck.  I got weighed at both the plastic surgeon and the ob/gyn today and I am 178 fully clothed.  The good news is I have maintained my weight for over a year and a half.

I did throw up yesterday.  First time I can say i did that in a really long time.  I ate half a hoagie and that was too much.  Still haven't learned my limits I guess.

I'll tell you about my plastic surgery pre-op appointment later.  :)

July 16th it is

Well I met with my plastic surgeon and set a date.  He is going to do a tummy tuck and a little lipo on my outer thighs when I get my hysterectomy done.  I can't stop holding my stomach up in the mirror or pulling my thighs back to try and visualize what it will look like.  He said I will feel like a mack truck hit me for a good two weeks and need serious help for a month. 
I am renting a recliner and will have it delivered up to my room the week of surgery since I read on line there is no way I will be able to lay flat for weeks.  It's 30 bucks a week or 300 to buy it. 

The surgery is 6 hours.  My husband is freaking out he doesn't want me to get it done.  He's worried I am going to die.  I am putting my faith in God's hands knowing that he will watch over me and the surgeon.  I worked too hard to still look like I am pregnant. I want to wear a dress without having to hold it out from my body or keep pulling at it when I sit down so people don't see my rolls. 

I wear a size 16 and hope after the surgery I will be a 14 or really a 12 since most of my weight is in my stomach but we'll see.  I will be swollen for a while. 

I asked him about my inner thighs since that is where most of my loose skin is.  He said no since there will be too much fluid draining from the stomach area.  So when this is all over I might still have to wear a skirt on my tankini to cover the inner thighs.  But I should be able to wear my action bra without a shirt when I run.  Now that is exciting.

I'll keep you posted with lots of pics when I have them.  I am still waiting for my friend who had one done about 3  months ago to send me pics.

not band related but a question and some thoughts

So I haven't been sleeping well for a while, I worry a lot, my mind is always racing.  Lately, well probably the last 6 months, I have had a short temper with my kids and anyone else that gets on my nerves.  Things that anyone else could just blow off I can't get over.  I'm on spring break and have a minute or two to call people.  I called the doctor and told her, she prescribed me a medicine to take at night to get a full nights sleep and then hopefully help with anxiety and maybe short fuse?

I took it last night for the first time and was out like a light in 40 minutes and slept the whole night.  Which is great I guess, I have been taking Tylenol pm for months but still waking up in the middle of the night. No real change in my thoughts or temperament today but it is only day one and it's a small dose.  I call her back in a month. 

Tomorrow I go to a family reunion for my grandmothers 90th birthday.  The last time I saw them I was a moose.  Taking the kids is going to be a challenge my daughter has FASD, fetal alcohol syndrome, severe ADHD and is probably somewhere on the autism spectrum. We adopted her and her sister from foster care.  Great kids but quite a challenge, you have no idea the problems that will surface when they place a little baby in your arms.   The worries I have about the plane are overwhelming with her.  I feel like I need to apologize to everyone in advance around me for how loud and antsy she is going to be. (and that is on meds)  I saw online somewhere where parents gave candy and note to passengers around them in advance for crying babies I was thinking about doing something similar for us.  Not going into detail just saying it was her first plane ride and i don't know if she will be scared or not etc. 
Whatcha think?

Can you say tummy tuck?

Ok so I am at the ob talking about what we are going to do about my heavy periods that are causing my major blood loss and terrible anemia which I had to get iron transfusions for. I never knew they were heavy since I don't normally go around comparing how many tampons my friends use.  Turns out the average is 3 a day.  I am going through 8 a day with lots of clots.  Sorry for the graphic. 

While I am discussing all the surgeries I have had previously, lap band, c-section, and then I casually mentioned and one day hopefully a tummy tuck to get rid of all this skin.  then she says, "Well you know if I do the hysterectomy at the same time as the tummy tuck you don't need to pay for the anesthesia,the O.R. or the hospital stay it will all fall under the hysterectomy and your insurance."  I was like oh my goodness what a deal!  That is like 4 grand right there in savings. 

I proceed to tell her I had just made my consultation with a plastic surgeon at the end of the month to discuss my options. She said well you couldn't use that surgeon since he wouldn't travel down state but she works with one all the time at the hospital near me. 

She then continues to say I wouldn't have a scar since he would be taking all the skin off where she would be using to do the surgery and if I ever wanted one now was the time to do it because if I get the tummy tuck first and then later get the hysterectomy I would have to call in the plastic surgeon again and pay him to fix the scars and it would be very difficult for her.   The reason I say this is because I went in to the appt thinking I was going to get an ablation, where they just scrape the lining, compared to the hysterectomy.  But her things was that only lasts 3 years and then we will be right back to where we started then so why even wait. 

Anyone know of anyone who had one?  I am trying to get a guestimate on price.  I am thinking like 4 grand, which I don't have but I am sure my mastercard would be happy to lend me.  I just hate the fact I lost all this weight and still have a huge pouch.  I am also going to talk to him about taking some of the skin off of my thighs.  Now that is what really bothers me in the summer, all the chafing.  Ouch. 

They put me on the surgery schedule for June 19th!!!!!  My husband casually mentions I should lose 20 pounds before the surgery so I have more skin to cut off.  Great idea in theory, I will do my best to get there.  I did lose 2 pounds, don't know if it is due to working out or being on day 4 of these pills.  But I can't get too excited until I get below where I was. 

Needless to say I am probably the only woman in America who is happy about getting a hysterectomy but might as well do it all in one shot. 

it's not just me.

I talked to my fellow bandster the other day and she said I think my band is broken.  I said no you are just like me you dont' have enough in there.  And just like me you need something to tell you when to stop eating.  She proceeded to tell me about when some food dropped on the floor and she said well as long as the dog didn't lick it it's still good.  Or ransacking her daughters room for food that she asked her to hide so she wouldn't eat it.  I agreed and told her my story of how I found 2 egg rolls from 2 days before in the back of my husbands car and how they would probably still be good since it has been cold in the garage.
She gets another fill tomorrow, our dr won't give her big fills since she has lost 80 pounds since she got filled last year.  Her complaint is that 20 of those pounds she lost pre surgery and 20 pounds she lost during the first month when she couldn't eat.  I am hoping she gets a fill that helps her tomorrow.

I can't get mine till April 9th.  I don't even know how I can make it till then.  I have been working out.  yesterday I jogged/walked 4.6 miles yesterday.  Got on the scale this morning still 178.  I have been walking/jogging daily doing kettlebell or just dance nightly.  Due to the snow today I just did the dance video. 

A friend of mine gave me some diet pills.  He used to lose 40 pounds to cut down his appetite and speed up metabolism.  Yes I am desperate.  I am also worried I am going to die, since I am a worry wart but when I look at the scale and see 178 in the morning that means I am over 180 with clothes on at night.  And 182 is close to 190 and 190 is close to 200.  You see how I think? 

So tomorrow I am trying one pill in the morning on an empty stomach with no coffee. 

another 5k

I don't know if I wrote about this or not.  But one of my former students asked me to be their running buddy for a 5k in May.  Now I haven't run a 5k in probably 2 years.  I stopped when I realized that I really am bad at it.  I don't run much faster than I walk and i never figured out the whole breathing thing.  In through your nose, out through your mouth, I don't know it just never feels right.
Well I started walking/jogging around the neighborhood.  I have to drive it out to see how far it is.
The first lap tonight took me 6 minutes, next lap took me 8 and the last was 7 minutes.  I thought or hoped 2 laps was a mile but when I came back in my husband says no I think its not.  I'll measure it tomorrow to see.

So the 5k with the former student is in May, and then I signed up for another one on April 13th.  Which if you haven't noticed is really just around the corner.  I am under no assumption that I will be able to run the whole thing.  My goal is really just to complete it in under 45 minutes.  I know sad but like I said i really haven't run in 2 years and I just started praticing this past week.

Now for eating.  I can't stop.  I want everything, I crave everything, I have no restriction.  I called to get a fill and the first time in Apri 9th which is wayyyyy to far away.  they said I can call every day to see if someone cancels but what a joke.  I really need a fill i just think of food all day long.
i am up to about 45  grams of protein.  Not as much as i need so i need to do a better job of getting it in.

Have a great week.

Listen to this

I have a friend at work who was banded and lost 100 pounds.  she was banded just about 3 years ago.  Her last fill was almost a year ago.  She told me that she went on just liquids for like a week to do a cleanse.  Then this week she went back to solids.  At night she threw up in her sleep and as she explains it, it came gushing out of her mouth and nose.  The day before her breakfast came up several hours later.

The next day she went to the doctor and they took out .6 of her band.
Just thought that was crazy.  Coming out of her nose?

Her doctor gave her a scope after 2 years.  I didn't get one.  Does anyone else get one after a few years?

update

forgot to tell you two things.  First I did get my iron infusions and they made a heap of difference.  Within about 2 and a half weeks my feet and legs felt back to normal.  Also I didn't have any tingling in my hands. I was able to not want to just lay around when I came home from work.  I started doing Just dance with the kids at least 4 days a week. 
I guess I probably didn't tell you either when I was getting my iron transfusions there were 4 other woman who had gastric bypass getting their iron treatments.

I go in a few weeks to talk to my ob/gyn about what I can do to stop my heavy periods which is causing my low iron.  Not many choices, the pill I can't do since I get migraines and she said I have a higher risk of having a stroke.  Pass
Could get a shot but they have high instance of bleeding during the first 6 months more than normal which is what I am trying to avoid. Pass.
IUD - no thanks one piece of plastic inside my body is just about enough.  Pass
Hysterectomy - oh geez- pass
Ablation- guess that is my only choice that I feel comfortable with.
i just don't want to have to get iron every 5 months it is time consuming, not very comfortable, and I have to take off work.
Like I said I go back to talk to the actual doctor in a few weeks. I talked to the nurse practitioner when I went a few weeks ago. 

In hunger news, I am hungry.  Daily.  I have been trying to eat breakfast to calm down the hunger but I have been snacking and lord help me at night.  I ate 4, ok maybe it was 5 slices of pizza tonight.  It was thin crust but I ate them. 
I need a fill again.  But it feels so good to drink with no noise. 
The scale got down to 173 again, hovered at 174 for a while then back to 175.  Tomorrow I will probably be 176 I ate like crazy tonight.

Worst of all I bought mini donuts because they were on sale.  I ate so many I don't even want to tell you.  Remember I was the donut diva, me and donuts go way back.

working out

on day four of the kettle bell work out and boy am I sore.  I am eating more.  Today I finally ate my cheese fries. 

small changes

 drinking more water -check
did a kettle bell work out - check
legs burning - check
eating more protein- check
had breakfast for the first time in 9 months - check
stomach rumbling -check

trying to lose the two pounds I gained in the last week - check