new day

thanks for all the motivation, sometimes you need that.
I made better choices the last few days and it helped that there were no muffins in the house.
Today I had 1/2 a salad from salad works for lunch and the other half for dinner. I had my normal protein coffee for breakfast and some animal crackers to chew on something. I had a handful of peanuts also. It took everything in my being not to stop on the way home to buy a Skor bar from the store. I was haviing a chocolate fix bad.

Hopefully the scale will move soon in the right direction.

This morning I took my vitamins, and 2 tylenol which I broke in half. I did it very slow, and wouldn't you know I burped it back up. Yuck you know what a half dissolved pill tastes like? Not good I tell you. Not good.
I have this cold, yes I have a cold in the summer, and my nose is dripping like a faucet that needs fixing. So last night I took some of the tylenol with codine I had left from my surgery in December. It felt good to sleep.

Did I post that I went to the OB last week and told her I had a band. She said the lady she just saw before me had one too and lost 105 pounds in a year. Once again I am jealous, but what I didnt' know is what she weighed when she started and what she weighs now. But wow 105 pounds in a year that is fantastic. My goal that I wrote down on my forms at the surgeon before I got it was 75 pounds in a year, which he said at the time is a great goal. That means I need to lose 25 more before December. If I lose 5 a month it is possible but you know it means I need to work out much more consistantly.

What are your goals for the first year and what have you achieved so far?

bad choices

So I think i had my worst food day in a long time. I made some blueberry muffins the other day and no one has been eating them so they have just been sitting in the refrigerator. Every time I open the door they have been staring me right in the face.
The day started off nicely, had my protein coffee. We were at the hospital for my daughter and while she was getting her tonsils out we went to the cafeteria. I had 1 egg with cheese.
Got home around 1:00 and I had a lean pocket and a blueberry muffin.
Still not so bad. Well that one muffin just got me hooked. so like an hour later I decided on another.
Dinner I had turkey meatloaf and wouldn't you know another blueberry muffin. Then i had some fat free ice cream with my daughter since no one should eat ice cream alone.
Around 7 I said well I feel a little hungry how about another muffin.
Then since I was up late at 10 I said might as well make it a terrible day and have just one more muffin.

I ate them all slowly as to not get stuck,taking lots of time in between bites. I enjoyed each one as much as the first. It made me realize once again I can't have carbs in the house. When will I ever have control over foods? I just don't get it. Why couldn't I have just tossed them since no one was eating them? It like pains me to toss food that is good.

Hopefully this will be the last time I lose it. I guess I was partly stressed from the whole thing with my daughter, and frustrated with the dag on scale not moving so I figured who cares. Which is normally the attitude I have right before I gain back all the weight I have lost on a diet. I don't want to start this cycle again.

i'm all about free

I love free as much as the next person. So when I got the free coupon from Mcdonalds for their new smoothie I got a little excited. But then I thought I should probably check out the calories before I get hooked on a new food that is bad for me. Just like those dag on funnel cake sticks from Burger King. Why did they have to invent them I ask?

Looks like the smoothie isn't that bad. 210 calories, 5 grams of fat, and 2 grams of protein.
However if you use your coupon for something else there like say the Mocha Frappe you will be in deep doo-doo. That lovely treat has 540 calories and 24 grams of fat. No wonder it tastes so dag on good.

Just thought I would share.

Chinese anyone?

Missing your chinese?

Well these might do the trick. Now I normally don't get pork,I ususally don't eat swine but this and shrimp was all they had today. I love the chicken ones and they have vegetable ones too. There are 120 calories and 11 or 12 grams of protein. That is right 12 grams of protein! I have heated them up in the microwave and they are good that way but soft. If you have a few minutes put it in the oven for them to be crunchy like you get them from your local Chinese spot. Fantastic!

Now you might be thinking ok tell me where to get them. I found them in Walmart by the deli. You know the case they have with the heat at home pizzas and ready made sandwiches? They are over there. I put them in the freezer when I get home so they last longer otherwise you have to eat them in like a week or something.

Enjoy!

It's been a while

Looks like I took the week off from blogging, guess there hasn't been much going on. Well I take that back. I hit 197 a few days after my last fill. I didn't get too excited because the very next day my Aunt Flow came to visit and it was right back to 200. Then I think well as soon as it goes away I'll be right back down to 197, guess I thought wrong. Got on the scale today 200. AAAHH. That is why you can't get too happy at 199 or 197 becuase 200 is just a cracker or two away.
In other news I went to see my parents today and met them at a park. My dad actually said he didn't recognize me. He said I look like a different person. So that made me feel good. And my husband told me my face looks so much thinner. But what I am concerned about is two things. 1. getting the scale in the low 190's
2. finding a dress to wear the first day back to school which looks good on me. (It will be my first dress I have worn in 9 years)

Still feeling a lot of restriction. I just drink my protein coffee for breakfast. Then a small lunch today I had tuna. Dinner I have whatever I make for the family. I have to eat much slower since I feel everything going down. And then I have been having another protein coffee at night just to make sure I am getting enough protein in. You would think the weight would just be falling off. I do find it much harder to get my liquids in since i have to drink so much slower also. Yesterday I got 32 ounces in, which is almost half of what I was getting in before the fill.

yet another protein rich snack

You know I love to snack. I mean forget meals just let me graze throughout the day. I used to open the pantry and just stand and look for something to munch on. The vending machine at school had my favorites Cheetos, and Chili Cheese Fritos. Oh don't get me started. Which is probably one of the many reasons which got me so fat. I wonder how people would describe me. Was it "you know her, the fat lady, the heavy set woman, the woman with three chins?" I mean I would describe people as heavy set and I was probably 50 pounds bigger than them. Hopefully people will find another adjective to describe me in the future. Skinny would be nice, although I am far from that now.

Ok so back to the snack. I bought these from Bariatric Choice and they are a little pricey. About 1.50 a bag. But the bag is full, it's not like a bag of chips when you open and there is like 8 in there. This bag is filled with these little puffs similar to the puff cheetos from Herrs, not the Chester Cheetah kinds. They are 1/4 of the size of a cheese puff though, so much smaller which is probably why there are so many in the bag. It will make your fingers quite dirty so have a napkin or be prepared to lick them clean. The bag is 140 calories and 14 grams of protein. This is a snack that you can actually eat and not feel like ok, now what can I have. I bought like 15 bags and have maybe one a week.

In other news, I am really trying to get organized this summer. Today I tackled the garage. I was sweating like I was in a marathon or something. I came in the house and drank my wonderfully cool crystal light. Well I guess I did it too fast. Within seconds I was in the bathroom spitting like a camel. Note to self when in a public place to avoid extreme embarrassment drink slowly.

Happy Monday!

found two news ways to get protein

I was at Target today and saw this cereal which I saw advertised on tv a few times and thought i would give it a try. Ladies it is delish! It is very similar to granola. Of course I didn't put any milk in it, I haven't had cereal with milk since I have been banded. But this is really good. For 3/4 of a cup you get 9 grams of protein and 180 calories. I think this might be my new mid morning snack. I ate it in the car this morning, since I didn't have breakfast and it was 10:30 I new I needed something before going to church. It was really good.

The next wonderful find is something I came across on someones blog. It was an older blog one that hadn't been updated in like 9 months or something but she suggested taking some of the protein powder for shakes and mix it with a little bit of milk and then put it in your coffee. Now I bought some chocolate powder a long time ago I didn't really care for and I used that. I poured it into the coffee and it is soo good. It just gave it a little taste of chocolate not too much, but what I am more excited about is there is 20 grams of protein right there with my morning cup of java. I tell you the things that make me happy. Before my joy came from finding a 6th nugget from Wendys when I only ordered 5, but now it is all about getting my protein in.

life with restriction

So I figured it was fitting to show peanut butter as I have gotten stuck a few times today. But really the peanut

butter I found in Walmart and has 10 grams of protein for 2 tablespoons and 169 calories. It also has 4 grams of fiber. Much healthier than the regular jiffy I have been buying. Now there are flaxseeds in it but when you mix it up you don't really mind them. I had a couple of spoon fulls of this today to try and get some protein in.

I started off today with a cup of decaf and then at 9:30 I thought I would be ready for eggs. I made some scrambled eggs with cream cheese to make them creamy and reheated some mashed potatoes from yesterday. Let me tell you I had three bites and was done for another hour. I mean it just sat there for a while. By 11:45 I had finished my egg and given up on the mashed potatoes.

At 4:30 I figured I should eat again, wasn't hungry but knew I needed something. I took 2 bites of a tuna sub no bread of course. So it was really just tuna and cheese. Boy did that hurt. I spent 5 minutes over the toilet spitting, you know just tons of spit. Luckily no throw up I think leaning over helped to move it.

By 6:00 I managed to eat the tuna from half of the sub, and the cheese off of one slice of pizza. I couldn't resist. I also had 1/2 cup of sugar free pudding mixed with cool whip. I needed something sweet. That is all I have had all day. Even drinking is different, I can't drink too fast or too much because even that causes me to feel uncomfortable.

I am so glad for the restriction, but more than that I am happy I have no desire to eat. I mean when am I not hungry. I remember going out with my husband am him saying are you hungry and me saying when have I not been hungry. Well now I can say no. It is a wonderful feeling to have the thought of food out of my head.

My only worry is how am I going to get 60 grams of protein in? I really hate yogurt so please don't suggest that. Any other suggestions?

Listen to what my doctor said!

I had a fill yesterday and I figured I should ask her some questions I had. But before that let me tell you about my experience. The scale showed I only lost 4 pounds in the past month so I was pretty bummed about that. But I also did not exercise at all last month and made some bad food choices which probably explains that.

I told her I had some restriction but not enough to keep me eating more than I should be. She asked me the standard two questions "Can you eat bread?" and "Can you eat chicken" I told her yes to chicken and sometimes with bread. She gave me another cc. I drank the little cup of water after and told her I burped and asked if that was a problem she said as long as it went down you are ok. Nothing new with the fill, it did hurt a tad more than normal but not huge.

Ok so now to what she told me. I told her the tylenol is not working for me, it does nothing when I have a headache. I asked her if I could take motrin since so many of you said your doctors said it wasn't a problem. Get this, she says "Motrin erodes the band!" So to all of you out there taking it be warned. She gave me a prescription of another tylenol based medicine for my migraines with is stronger hopefully that works. She tried to pass off tylenol with codine but I told her my students probably would prefer a teacher who is awake.

Now for the second thing I found out. As I am going to check out I said, I don't want to make a new appt I think this is the fill I am going to be good at. I mean I am at 9 already. She says actually at 10. OMG, when did this happen how can I be at 10! My band only holds 11 right?

She says well the manufacturer says 11 but we can get up to 23 cc's in your band! 23 cc's that is like crazy you wouldn't be able to swallow a thing with that much in your band. And wouldn't you be scared it would pop like if you put your seat belt on too tight? Can't believe it.

So there is good news and bad new with this fill.
The bad news I think I am going to need to get an unfill if things don't get better. I am on liquids for 2 days and yesterday I took a large sip of a shake and threw it up. Maybe if I drank it slower i would have gone down but that is not good. For the rest of the day I just had crystal light and decaf coffee. We will see today if liquids mainly shakes go down better.

The good news is I am not hungry at all! I mean like nothing. For someone who had maybe 200 calories total yesterday I should be starving but I feel like Calista Flockhart, not a care in the world about eating. So nice for a change.

Will keep you posted ladies, I should be in the 1o0's by tomorrow with two days of liquids easy.

just another day trying to figure things out

So if you recall from yesterday i realized I could never eat bread again and I think I came to terms with that. Today we went to the mall and I had a fantastic salad from Saladworks which is not what I normally get when I go there. Normally I would have gotten the chicken terrayki with extra sauce. But you know rice is out, and obviously if I can't eat bread Subway won't work either.
Feeling pretty good about that kept walking in the mall and had a coupon for a free pretzel from Aunt Annies which of course I had to redeem. I gave most of it to my kids but on the way to the car I was like "It's not really bread I can have a little piece" And I proceeded to eat a bite. and I chewed, and chewed, and was worried, and chewed till it was almost a paste in my mouth and I thought to myself. Is it really worth it? Am I really enjoying this pretzel with the fear and the work I have to go through. You can't even taste it after chewing it a million times, so why even bother having it at all. I just don't think it is worth it.

But in other news I come home and there are left over cookies I made and I have been eating them so much the past few days. Every single time I walk by them I pick one up and eat it. And every time I eat one, I want another and another. Yesterday I had 6. That is right I had 6 cookies. Which is why I haven't had cookies in my house since I got banded in December. If I have cookies I eat them and I just can't stop, it is just sad. But the thought of throwing them away is painful to me. So they sit on the counter calling out my name. Today I had 4, down from 6 as long as I don't grab another on my way to bed. What I have learned is some foods like cookies I still feel like I have no control over. And this is why I know I needed the band. I need something to tell me when I am done. I have never been able to stop eating. Even as a toddler I remember my mom telling me that a babysitter once called her and asked "Do I stop feeding her when I think she is full or when she thinks she is full?" Maybe it is something you are born with? Or born without? I don't know but I just have never felt like I had control over food or had a full feeling until I got the band. That is why it is life changing for me. To feel full and leave a plate that still has bites left on it is something I am not used to. And it still is hard. I feel like I should be shipping my plate to a starving child somewhere after all the times my mom said I had to finish because there were starving people that would love to have what I am wasting.

Oh well, have a great holiday weekend everyone. Stay away from the potato salad- I got way stuck on that a few months ago.

oops I did it again

Yes I had a little throw up incident today but before I tell you how that came to be lets just rewind the what was my life like a year ago first.

Last summer and the summer before about three times a week I would go to the library with my kids then go directly to the bakery. I would order a turkey and cheese sandwich on fresh rye bread get two cookies for the kids and then proceed to pick up a few baked goods for myself. My normal order was an almond croissant, a cream cheese turnover, and maybe an elephant ear for good luck. And yes I would eat it all. Not at one time, but most surely before my husband came home to not leave any evidence. But it was only a few times a week, and I couldn't do it during the school year since they close at 3. So it was like not a big thing right? Looking back it does seem a little excessive. Ok maybe a lot excessive. But I think what happens when you constantly eat more than the norm, your norm becomes normal. Right?

Anywhoo, so flash forward back to the present. We went to the library and for the first time this summer went to the bakery. I got a cookie for each kid, ordered my turkey and cheese sandwich on rye and decided to get just one cookie for myself. No croissant, no eclair, no cream cheese turnover, and no elephant ear. I was patting myself on the back all the way to the car. Boy look how far I came, I said to myself. You should be proud of yourself I say. This is what a normal person would eat I say.

So I am in the car the kids are eating their cookies and I bust open the sandwich. I take three bites and ooh can I feel it. It is right there, tight, just pain. I put the sandwich down and knew I was done. Oh but the pain.

A couple minutes pass and then the spit in my mouth starts. I was like oh boy we might have a problem here. Do I pull over, will it pass? I decide to get a bag ready just in case. And then before I could pull over, I was at a light though, I threw up in the bag. It was more like a productive burp I guess. Just a little teaspoon or so of throw up, mostly spit.

So there you have it, I know what this means. I must now get rid of eating bread. This is difficult for me since my life sort of consisted mostly of bread, bread products, and their close relatives. I would have called myself a carbeterian. Cause I mostly ate just carbs. But now the time has come to leave the loaf on the shelf. Push the bread basket back, and leave it to those that are not banded. I am done with it, because I think throwing up in front of my friends might not be a good thing.